We the Marauders do solemnly swear
by Pinkelberry
Summary: The Marauders from forth year onwards as you've never seen them b4. Meant to be humourous,no offence intended. Wormtail is gay, Padfoot is vain, Moony has constant PMT and Prongs is under the impression he's some tragic love hero from a Shakespeare play
1. Mr Bumpy

**We the Marauders do solemnly swear**

**(Padfoot: That Wormtail is gay**

**Wormtail: AM NOT!)**

**A/N:** Okay I'd thought I'd try something a little different, something I've never done before but will thoroughly enjoy writing. Yes I know it's been done so many times before but its fun. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Mr Bumpy**

**First lesson**

**Transfigurations**

**Fourth year**

Moony: Prongs are you paying attention?

Prongs: More than Padfoot is…

Padfoot: **Snoring lightly**

Moony: **hits Padfoot round the back of the head with a book** Wake up you idiot!

Padfoot: Hey that's harsh! I'm not an idiot **nurses bump on head** Oh no, no I'm deformed! WHY MOONY! WHY!?!

Moony: You'll get over it

Prongs: Bumpy is a good look for you Pads,

Padfoot: Well you know, I can make anything work

Wormtail: **sniggers** hee hee Mr Bumpy

Padfoot: Oh no

Prongs: What?

Padfoot: Something terrible is about to happen

Prongs: WHAT?

Padfoot: God there's no need to shout! Minnie's coming over

Prongs: **lets off sigh of relief **Ohhhh okay, I thought you meant something serious.

Padfoot: For God Sake Prongs hide the note

**Five minutes later**

Padfoot: Phew, that was close

Moony: Something strange has happened…Padfoot actually tried to stop himself getting detention.

Padfoot: I can't have a detention! I have a date tonight…

Prongs: oooh, with who?

Padfoot: Erm…Ebony Blackburn, in Hufflepuff…

Moony: Take it you've grown bored of Ravenclaw girls

Padfoot: It's hard not to get bored when all they talk abut is class, and when they're not talking about class they're asking questions that I don't know the answer to

Moony: Personally I find them intellectually stimulating

Prongs: Stimulating eh?

Moony: Trust you to pick out the one word in that entire conversation with sexual connotations

Prongs: shrugs It's what I do

Moony: And you wonder why Lily won't go out with you

Prongs: **Leaves the conversation**

Padfoot: Yay! We can stay stuff behind his back

Prongs: I'm sitting right next to you Padfoot, I can read everything you're writing

Padfoot: I thought you'd left!

Prongs: **rolls eyes** I haven't left the room

Padfoot: oh…

Moony: What's Wormtail doing?

Prongs: I don't think I want to know…

Padfoot: He's…taking notes

Prongs: The end is nigh!

Padfoot: The chocolate has ran out!

Moony: Hell hath frozen over! **re reads Padfoot's comment** hold on…in this dire situation the only thing you can think about is chocolate?

Padfoot: What can I say? I'm complex

Moony: Not how I would've put it to be honest

Padfoot: HMPH!

Moony: What's that supposed to mean?

Padfoot: It's just a sound

Prongs: Erm…you wrote it down…it didn't make any noise

Padfoot: HMPH!


	2. Of rubber ducks and love chocolates

**A/N:** So sorry about the oooberly long wait for this here update. I've just started college and I have seriously no time.

**M/N:** Padfoot: I'm hurt Pinkelberry, very hurt, that you would ditch us for _further education_ you traitor!

Moony: I'm proud of you for working so hard

Padfoot: Hmph!

Prongs: **In true lawyer stylee** Pinkelberry does not own Harry Potter nor the Marauders however she does own our characterisations because she created us and whatnot. Although one day she will take over the world and all the publishing companies, forcing them to give her ownership of every awesome book in the world.

* * *

**The next day**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: We're doomed! Doomed I tell ya!

Prongs: Why what's happening?

Padfoot: Weren't you listening?

Prongs: You mean you were?

Padfoot: Actually yes, anyway she says out OWLS are in June!

Prongs: And your point is?

Padfoot: That's only eight months away, EIGHT MONTHS PRONGS! And after that we're leaving again and then we're coming back again, then we're leaving again and then it's our last year!

Prongs: Okay who let Padfoot near the fizzy drinks again? You know how he gets

Wormtail: **looking around innocently** wasn't me…

Moony: It never is…

Prongs: Lily's hair is so beautiful, I hope our children look like her, of course with bits of me included, especially if we have a son, as you all know I'm well endowed, after all my wand is 16"

Moony: Way too much information there Prongs

Padfoot: Huh? Lily's pregnant?

Prongs: No…but one day she will be

Moony: You mean like your strange idea that the two of you are destined to be married?

Prongs: We are! I asked her and she said 'One day'

Padfoot: You were dreaming again weren't you

Prongs: Nope this was completely real

Moony: You said that when you had that dream that some creepy snake-like looking guy was going to kill you…

Prongs: He _is_ going to kill me, and one of you amongst us will betray me

Padfoot: Merlin Prongs you're not Jesus!

* * *

**Next lesson**

**Herbology**

**Conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"Hey Lily, will you go out with me?"

"Potter if you don't leave me alone I'll feed you to the venomous Tentacular in greenhouse 4!"

"Is that a yes?"

"No!"

"Not even if I said please?"

"I'm warning you!"

* * *

**Back with the Marauders**

Padfoot: So much for her carrying your unborn child

Prongs: For Merlin's sake she's not pregnant yet!

Padfoot: Ah I see…so _Lily's_ not pregnant, but you are…

Prongs: Erm newsflash memale, can't get pregnant

Padfoot: As much as I'd like to believe you all evidence points to the contrary

Prongs: Are you saying I'm fat!

Padfoot: No I'm saying you're a girl

Moony: That explains everything

Prongs: What's that supposed to mean?

Moony: The obsession with your hair, the strange fixation that you're in love with a girl you barely know, the mood swings…need I go on?

Wormtail: Don't forget the crying

Prongs: I do not cry!

Padfoot: What about that time you wore a dress?

Prongs: We were having a fancy dress Halloween party! I was dressed as Julius Caesar! I wasn't wearing a dress it was a toga!

Padfoot: Looked like a dress to me…

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the oober shortness of this chapter, like I said I haven't got much time… 

**M/N:** Padfoot: I don't care how little time you have, you will spend more time with us

Moony: After all it was your idea to try and find out what we were really like at school

Prongs: Bearing in mind that JK makes everyone look so innocent

Wormtail: Except for all those loverly evil pranks we pull

Prongs: Well yes except for that…


	3. Traitors of love

**The next day**

**Charms**

Prongs: My life is over 

Padfoot: Drama Queen

Prongs: The chocolate's didn't work

Moony: Are you sure you gave her the right ones?

Prongs: Of course I did, I went to ask her out this morning and she said she was already in love with someone

Moony: Did she say who?

Padfoot: Wouldn't it be so hot if the first person she was that Melanie Bones?

Moony: Your mind is a terrifying place Padfoot

Wormtail: Padfoot can I offer you some chocolate?

Padfoot: oooh chocolate

_Moony knocks chocolate box away from Padfoot_

Moony: Padfoot you idiot, they were love chocolates

Padfoot: **glaring at Moony** You denied me chocolate!

Moony: with good reason…one bite and you'd be helplessly in love with Wormtail for weeks

Padfoot: No amount of love chocolate could make me fall in love with Wormtail!

Wormtail: Ouch! What's that supposed to mean?

Padfoot: You're not really my type, no offence. Moony however **winks suggestively**

Prongs: What's wrong with me? Even my friends wouldn't hypothetically fall in love with me!

Moony: Well done mate, you used a word bigger than your own ego…which seems to have been momentarily deflated…

Padfoot: Prongs, you know that you and I could have hot passionate sex if only you'd stop obsessing over Evans for one second

Prongs: WHAT!?!

Moony: WHAT!?!

Wormtail: I'd have hot passionate sex with you Padfoot

Padfoot: Nothing…and Wormtail it's not going to happen!

* * *

**After Break**

**Third lesson**

**Transfigurations**

Prongs: Did you just see that! Lily just winked at me, she actually winked at me!

Moony: Are you sure it was directed at you?

Prongs: Of course it was, who else would she wink at? My angel, my darling sweet-

Padfoot: You called

Prongs: I was talking about Evans

Padfoot: Sure you were, anyway did you see the way she winked at me just then?

Prongs: She was winking at me!

Padfoot: No she wasn't, she was winking at me

Prongs: What on God's earth would make you think that?

Moony: Why! Why would you get him started?

Padfoot: Why wouldn't she be winking at me? I'm perfect, better than an Adonis, I mean really swishes hair I'm worth it. My hair is better than anyone in the worlds, my smile has been known to break hearts, my eyes are like dark pits of…darkness

Prongs: Have you been writing love notes to yourself again?

Padfoot: That was one time…

Prongs: **Unfolds letter from inside pocket** Oh Sirius, I have not slept a wink since last I saw your face, your smile, your eyes, your perfect hair…

Padfoot: Hold on a minute I didn't write that

Wormtail: I did…chocolate Padfoot?

Padfoot: Don't mind if I do…

**10 seconds later**

Padfoot: Oh Wormtail, I have never felt this way for anyone before, you're my world, my reason for being, please be mine

Moony: Oh my eyes! My beautiful eyes!

Prongs: I thought you said that no amount of love chocolate could make you fall in love with Wormtail

Padfoot: Wormtail…did you say Wormtail? **breathing heavily**

Moony: Prongs why!?! Why!?!

Prongs: Backs away slowly

**In the common room**

**Conversation between Prongs and Lily**

"Who is he?" 

"I can't tell you,"

"Why not?"

"Because…I don't want to hurt you,"

"What! You've been breaking my heart everyday for the past four years!"

"This is different…"

"Just tell me, please,"

"Remus,"

"Huh? Could you repeat that, I didn't quite hear you,"

"I'm in love with Remus J Lupin,"

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS MIDDLE NAME!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"You're right, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything,"

"I'm sorry James,"

"HA! Sure you are!"

"No really…I am, I don't know how it happened, I just saw him the other day and I just knew,"

"That explains everything!"

**Five minutes later**

**Prongs rejoins the other Marauders**

Moony: I'm so sorry…I didn't know what to do, she was all over me…

Prongs: Did you guys hear something?

Moony: You can't be mad at me forever…it was your fault

Prongs: How was it my fault?

Moony: If you hadn't been trying so hard to get your hair perfect you would've been the first person she saw

Prongs: MY HAIR IS PERFECT!

Wormtail: What is Moony's middle name?

Padfoot: He told me it was John…this better be good

Moony: giving Prongs the death stare Don't you dare!

Prongs: Smiling broadly Jessabelle

Padfoot: Siriusly?

Moony: Why Prongs, why?

Prongs: You were right, revenge is sweet

Padfoot: Your middle name is Jessabelle? You lied to me! Remus Jessabelle Lupin

Moony: My parents wanted a girl…

Wormtail: I want a girl, don't you Padfoot

Padfoot: **winking at Wormtail** As long as its yours I don't care baby

Prongs: When will this madness end!?!

Moony: Just another three weeks left

Prongs: Kill me now!

Moony: Nope

Prongs: Why not?

Moony: If you die who will I have left to be sane with?

Prongs: You want to be sane with me? No one's ever wanted to be sane with me before

Moony: I wonder why…


	4. Padfoot comes round

**A/N:**I'd encourage people to review because it makes me smile but…you don't have to if you don't want to…

**M/N:** Moony: She's only saying that because she's trying to be nice.

* * *

**Fourth year boys dorm**

**Three weeks later**

Padfoot: Erm….why am I in Wormtail's bed? And why is Wormtail in here with me?

Wormtail: You mean you don't remember anything!

Padfoot: HELP!

Moony: You brought it on yourself, I warned you about those chocolates

Padfoot: What have I done?

Prongs: Trust me, you don't want to know

Wormtail: Come on baby, how can you forget?

Padfoot: Unless you want a huge canine bite mark on your calf I suggest you take your hands off me!

Wormtail: Oh you like it kinky now do you? **growls seductively**

Padfoot: **Jumps out of Wormtail's bed and runs over to a corner, shuddering furiously**

Prongs: You don't have to worry Padfoot, we made sure Wormtail didn't take advantage

Moony: You did kiss him a few times though…_willingly_

Padfoot: spits furiously Ewwwww…no matter how many times I brush my teeth I will never get that taste out of my mouth. What happened to my date with Ebony?

Moony: You announced your undying love for Wormtail and dumped her

Padfoot: Dammit! Hufflepuff girls are supposed to be easy!

**

* * *

**

**An hour later**

**Griffendor Common room**

**Conversation between Lily and Moony**

"Remus, it's over," 

"What, no heart felt good bye, no long speech about how your so sorry that thing couldn't work out between us?"

"We've only been together for three weeks!"

"But still…it would've been nice to know you felt something,"

"Look, I'm sorry ok, but I realised that I'm in love with someone else,"

"Who?"

"…"

* * *

**First lesson**

**Herbology**

Prongs: See, it hurts doesn't it? 

Moony: She told me she was in love with someone else

Prongs: Who?

Moony: I swore I wouldn't tell

Padfoot: Moony haven't we already discussed the Marauders codes of conduct?

Moony: Oh God not again!

Padfoot: Yes again…

* * *

**Marauders codes of conduct**

1. Under no circumstance are we to taddle on one another

2. The secrets of the Marauders must never be revealed to another living soul.

3. It is agreed that Wormtail is gay (Wormtail: No I'm not!)

4. The nicknames of the Marauders must not be used by any but the Marauders.

5. No girl must ever come between the Marauders

6. No Marauder shall mess with another Marauders crush/girlfriend/boyfriend

7. Marauder's may not jump ship ever!!!

8. Moony's furry little problem must never be referred to as that time of the month or PMT

9. Snivellus is a git, he is slimy, he must be pranked

10. Slytherin's are the enemy.

11. We shall never use our powers for any evil other than the evil of our own laughter. And also we shall not keep secrets from one another.

12. Rules are made to be broken

13. We must stop writing so many rules!

* * *

Moony: HA! Code 12-Rules are made to be broken…didn't you write that one Padfoot? 

Prongs: Damn! He's right…

Padfoot: No he's not, he said that he would forever ignore rule 12

Moony: Unless in dire circumstances such as this one

Prongs: Just tell me please, or I'll make you eat Wormtail's love chocolates

Moony: Okay fine! I'll give you his initials-JP

Prongs: Moony that could be anyone!


	5. Guessing games

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who reviewed, they made me smile . and also thank you to the people who have favourited this story…to be honest it's my most favourite story that I have written because it's been fun to write…

**

* * *

**

**History of Magic**

James: So Lily…I hear you're in love with someone…

Lily: So what if I am?

James: Don't be such a spoil sport…who is he?

Lily: Why should I tell you!

James: You know you want to

Lily: No…I really don't

James: Why not?

Lily: James…his initials are JP…you work it out

James: Can't you just tell me?

Lily: NO! and stop pestering me, I'm trying to concentrate!

**

* * *

**

**Prongs rejoins the Marauders**

Padfoot: So?

Prongs: She won't tell me

Moony: I told you his initials

Prongs: So did she…

Moony: Come on…you can do this, it's not hard

Wormtail: Maybe it's another girl…

Prongs: No she said she'd give me _his _initials

Wormtail: Oh damn!

Padfoot: You really worry me, one minute you're gay and the next you're thinking about lesbians thinks for a moment mmmm hot lesbian sex

Prongs: Hello, back to me…who could it be? Jeremy Prewett?

Moony: No

Padfoot: Jack Parkinson

Moony: No! Definitely not, he's in Slytherin, Lily hates Slytherins

Wormtail: Jake Priestly

Moony: Now you're just making names up…he's in Griffendor, he's on the quidditch team, and he's a friend of ours

Prongs: John Patel! How could he?

Moony: NO FOR GOD SAKE IT'S NOT JOHN!

Prongs: Woh! Calm down Moony!

Moony: I'm sorry, it's just that you can be so infuriating sometimes

Padfoot: Oh God it's that time of the month again

Moony: What happened to the Marauders codes of conduct?

Padfoot: Rule number 12-Rules are meant to be broken, besides they're more guidelines than actual rules…

Moony: You've been watching to many pirate movies

Wormtail: I had a dream that I was a pirate once, I was the captain of a ship and I had all the crewmen swabbing my chest and climbing my mast…

Prongs: For some reason I don't think I want to know

Padfoot: I've got it! JP-James Potter!

Moony: Oh thank God, at least one of you has a brain.

**

* * *

**

**In the corridor on the way to Divinations **

**Conversation between James and Lily**

"Lily, I was doing my divinations homework last night, and I saw in the charts that your stars and my stars should collide to make one star,"

"Have you bee taking chat up lines from Sirius again?"

"Yes actually…Look I've been running after you for four years, it's been painful…especially that time when you cursed me with those horrible boils…"

"Look James, I know what you're going to say…"

"And?"

"Alright…under one condition, we keep it a secret, no one can know about us yet, I have a reputation to uphold,"

"So I can't even tell my friends?"

_Lily pulls James into a long kiss, her soft lips filled with a hidden warmth and a slight cherry flavour_

"Okay, so it stays between us, I won't tell anyone," 

"Good…I'll see you later by the lake, at lunch?"


	6. Waterbombs and Horror stories

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews…and favourites and stuff like that…it's really making my smile. Yes I know I'm posting them a little fast but I just want to get the story finished before I have to go to college and don't have time.

**M/N:** Prongs: What…you're leaving us?

Padfoot: How could you? glares at Pinkelberry

Pinkelberry: I'm not leaving you exactly…I'm just not going to spending so much time with you

Padfoot: Oh…that's okay then.

* * *

**By the Lake**

**A conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"Oh Lily, you have no idea how long I've waited for this moment,"

"I know,"

"You are so beautiful, I find myself lost in your eyes that sparkle like emeralds,"

"Awww, that's so sweet,"

"I can't believe you went out with Remus!"

"Erm…James, please can't we put that behind us? You have me now, I'm all yours,"

"Oh yeah, good point,"

* * *

**That night**

**4****th**** year Griffendor boys dorm**

Padfoot: Are all the dungbombs ready?

Moony: Ready and waiting

Padfoot: And Prongs do you have your broom?

Prongs: Of course I have

Padfoot: Okay, Waterbombs in position? Slytherin password?

Wormtail: Yes and got it

Padfoot: Ghostly white paint potion? 

Prongs: Check

Padfoot: Last but not least-scream in a can…check

Prongs: What about the invisibility cloak?

Padfoot: oops, can't forget that, check

Moony: Padfoot, if you focused all of your energy and intelligence on your studies instead of pranking Slytherins you'd be a straight A student

Padfoot: Moony, I am a straight A student

Moony: Well…do you really think it's wise to be writing this all down? What if someone finds it?

Padfoot: We'll say we're planning a surprise Halloween party for Minnie,

Moony: Fine

Padfoot: Good, now everyone run along to your positions.

_Moony aims wand at dungbomb in the astronomy tower, it explodes along with ten others strategically placed around the Hogwarts castle._

"That should keep Filch and Mrs Norris busy for a while," 

_Prongs flies into position in front of the statue outside the Slytherin common room, glowing with a ghostly white glow. Padfoot and Wormtail stay close by underneath the invisibility cloak._

"Snakes rule" Wormtail whispers 

_Prongs flies in through the portal as Padfoot releases the scream in a can. Slytherins from both girls and boys dorms come rushing out to see what all the commotion is about, including Snape who is wearing a dirty old night dress._

"Wooooh, I am the ghost of Jiminy Cricket, I will exact my revenge on all Slytherins for it is they who killed me,"

_Suddenly a thousand water bombs release from the ceiling and splash all over the unsuspecting Slytherins, before anyone has a chance to realise what just happened Prongs has disappeared along with Padfoot and Wormtail._

**

* * *

**

**Back in the Griffendor Common room**

Padfoot: Did you see their faces!

Wormtail: Did you see what Snape was wearing?

Prongs: Why are you so obsessed with Snape all of a sudden?

Wormtail: **blushing furiously** I am not obsessed with Snape!

Moony: Do you have any idea how close I was to being caught! I can't ever be caught, I'm a prefect for Merlin's sake!

Padfoot: You agreed, in ace you particularly requested to be the one to set off the dungbombs

Moony: Only because I didn't want to be seen near the Slytherin common room

Padfoot: Be quiet Jessabelle

Moony: HMPH! How could you?

Padfoot: Very easily actually

Moony: Never say that again, unless of course you want the whole school to know about your…_secret obsession_

Prongs: What secret obsession?

Padfoot: Nothing…I don't have a secret obsession…

* * *

**Three weeks later**

**Halloween**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: Wow can you believe that Minnie is a hundred and fifteen?

Moony: You're lying!

Wormtail: She looks good for her age

Prongs: To you everything looks good, no matter what age, size, gender or even species

Wormtail: Look, it was your fault, you told me to think like a rat

Prongs: And now you have a litter of rat babies to prove that you actually managed every aspect of thinking like a rat

Padfoot: Now that's a horror story if ever I heard one

Moony: So is what you did last summer

Padfoot: Moony! I'm warning you!

Moony: I wish you had warned me last summer

Prongs:** sighs** Doesn't Lily look radiant today…

Moony: Actually I'm glad you brought that up…I've noticed that she hasn't threatened to blow you up, turn you into a bug or even set fire to your eyebrows…has something happened between the two of you that we don't know about?

Prongs: No!

Padfoot: You answered to quickly there mate, well I'm saying you did anyway…come on you're not allowed to keep secrets from us

Prongs: Okay, I'll tell you if you tell me what happened last summer…

Padfoot: Fine! I'll tell you…last summer I stayed over at Moony's house. If you can remember we were all still getting used to our new trick and well…I guess it must've been doggy mating season because I turned into a dog just for practice and…

Moony: He humped my leg…and enjoyed it!

Prongs: oooh, ewww!

Padfoot: In my defence I didn't know what I was doing

Wormtail: I knew what I was doing when I had rat babies

Padfoot: I forbid you to speak to me ever again!

Wormtail: Fine! But you can't ignore me forever.

* * *

**After Halloween feast**

**Griffendor 4****th**** year boys dorm**

Padfoot:…and they never found the body 

Moony: I've heard better

Padfoot: Well…Wormtail's scared

Prongs: I have a scarier story…Snape and Bellatrix made out….twice

Padfoot: WHY! WHY WOULD YOU POISON MY MIND!

Wormtail: I made out with Bellatrix once

_All eyes turn to Wormtail_

Moony: You really should refrain from speaking

Wormtail: And Snape…oh no wait, that was a dream

Prongs: Don't you mean a nightmare…okay let's play truth, starting with Moony…have you ever kissed a guy?

Moony: Not fair! And Padfoot kissed me, it was not my fault!

Padfoot: But you enjoyed it though **winks at Moony**

Moony: **Shudders** You swore that we would never discuss it again

Padfoot: Hey, it wasn't me that brought it up…

Prongs: Padfoot seems to have kissed a lot of guys recently…is there something you're not telling us?

Padfoot: I'm experimental that's all

Wormtail: That's not what you said last night

Padfoot: I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE!!!

* * *

**A/N: Watch this space, updates very soon, my personal promise.**


	7. Private I Padfoot

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews, keep them coming, oh by the way I am Pinkelberry, kind of obvious but I thought I'd let you know.

**M/N: **ladedadedaaaaaa

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, I do not own the Marauders, I do not even own any 1950 Murder mystery books. But one day I will take over the world and have JK Rowling as my slave and then I shall own all of it. –Insert manically evil laugh here-

* * *

**Griffendor Common room**

**Before lunch (The Marauders find themselves studying for McGonagall's end of term test.)**

Padfoot: Moony, can't you just revise for me?

Moony: Erm, hello, earth to Padfoot! It doesn't work like that

Padfoot: Can't you find a way with your brilliant mind to make it work like that?

Moony: I already made you a revision timetable, highlighted everything you need to know on each topic, refilled your ink pot and got you a new quill…you have to do the rest yourself

Padfoot: oh…please!

Moony: Stop throwing notes at me! Unlike you I'm actually trying to revise.

**5 minutes later**

Padfoot: Prongsie…can't you make Moony revise for me? 

Prongs: Padfoot you're old enough and ugly enough to revise on your own

Padfoot: Spoil sport…hey do you wanna sneak into the girls dorm through that passageway we found the other week?

Prongs: Later…I'm busy

Padfoot: Come on mate, we don't need to revise, we know everything about Transfigurations, we learnt half of it in first year

Prongs: Oh yeah, remember when we turned Mrs Norris into a fur cushion?

Padfoot: Don't remind me, I still have the scars from where Filch whipped me…

Prongs: Funny…he didn't whip me, he just made me mop every step on every single staircase…he must really like you

Padfoot: I think I might go and talk to Evans, she looks very…_interesting_ today

Prongs: Don't you dare!

Padfoot: It's not like you're going out with her or anything

Prongs: Actually…fine you're right

Padfoot: Oh my god! You are aren't you!?! How could you keep that from us?

Prongs: No I'm not, I swear on…on the victory of my next quidditch game.

**

* * *

**

**3 hours later**

**Empty charms classroom**

Padfoot: Moony, Wormtail do you know why we're here? 

Moony: Of course not, you dragged us here under the threat of eternal poking

Padfoot: yes…well. Our first order of business is Prongs

Wormtail: Why isn't he here? This is a secret Marauder meeting right?

Padfoot: Yes it is, but this concerns him, something very strange is going on and it's our mission to find out what

Moony: And how exactly do you propose we do that?

Padfoot: **Pulls out three long black trench coats, three pairs of sunglasses and three black bowler hats** We are going to be secret detectives

Moony: Okay, who let Padfoot near the 1950 murder mystery books again?

Wormtail: It wasn't me, he has a knack for just finding theses things.

Padfoot: Anywaywe…everyday report back here and discuss what we've found. You guys in?

Moony: Do we have a choice?

Padfoot: **Throws detective costume at Moony** erm, no!

* * *

**That afternoon**

**Padfoot is following Prongs**

**These are the notes of Padfoot PI**

12:00pm Suspect is reading book and making notes, hasn't moved from chair.

12:15pm Suspect is glancing constantly at Evans, code name Ginger.

12:30pm Suspect is walking over to Ginger, Ginger and suspect are talking, Ginger is holding suspects hand, Suspect and Ginger are looking straight at me. Ginger has slapped suspect, she's pointing her wand straight at my head…

* * *

**That night**

**Hospital wing**

**Conversation between the Marauders**

"Oh the pain! The torturous pain!"

"Padfoot stop being such a girl,"

"Moony I am not being a girl! She ruined me, my life is over, it isn't enough that she dyed my hair pink, but knocking me out and waxing my legs and chest!…I'll never live it down,"

"Nope, you won't because I took photographs,"

"Prongs, this is your fault!"

"Padfoot it isn't my fault, you decided you were going to follow me around, you brought it on yourself,"

"You're going out with her aren't you? I saw you holding hands,"

"No, we decided we'd just be friends,"

"That explains why she hasn't attacked you in a while and why you've stopped obsessing about her,"

"Thank you Moony, at least someone has a rational mind,"

"Do you think that if I dyed my hair pink I'd look sexy?"

"NO WORMTAIL!"

"Didn't we put a no talking rule on you?"

"Yes…but rules are meant to be broken Padfoot,"

* * *

**Later that night**

**By the lake**

**Conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"It's not that I don't want to be with you-it's just so hard," 

"I know James, but we can get through it I swear,"

"I'm sorry, look when you've decided that you actually want to be in a relationship with me maybe we can make it work, but…"

"James, please, we can make it work now!"

"No Lily, we can't, I can't keep it a secret any longer, I don't want us to be a secret, I want to stand on the top of the astronomy tower and tell the whole world that I'm in love with Lily Evans! But I can't,"

"I'm still not ready for anyone to know about us…it's too complicated,"

"How is it complicated? Listen to your heart…forget it, we can still be friends, and then when you're ready…"

"Okay, we'll just be friends,"

"Not just friends Lily, we'll be like best friends."

**

* * *

**

**Boys dorm**

Padfoot: And where have you been?

Prongs: Nowhere

Padfoot: Do you think I'm an idiot, you sneak out in the middle of the night, don't even leave a note…you were pranking someone weren't you? And without me as well…I never thought I'd see the day…I thought you enjoyed pranking with me, don't we pull good pranks? It is not enough for you!

Prongs: No I wasn't pranking anyone…it's a personal thing…

Padfoot: You have to tell me…Oh no! You've found a new best friend! I can't believe it!

Prongs: I can't tell you…maybe one day I will,

Padfoot: HMPH! You don't love me anymore

Prongs: Don't be like that

Padfoot: Fine…but I'll find out eventually…I have my ways.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chapter is about Christmas, yes I know Christmas is three months away, almost. But just go along with it. 

**M/N: **Padfoot: Yay CHRISSTMAAASSSS!

Moony: WHY!!!!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!!


	8. Christmas

**A/N:** Hello again. Pinkelberry here to thank you very kindly for or your kind reviews, I know it's really hard to follow when the characters are having conversations rather than writing down their note but thank you to all the people who are sticking with the story anyway.

* * *

**Christmas morning**

**4am**

**Boys dorm**

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! IT'S CHRIIISSTMAAASSS!"

"Padfoot if you don't stop jumping on my bed I'm going to kill you!"

"Oh cheer up Moony, it is Christmas after all,"

"Oh god don't remind me, why didn't I go home this Christmas like I normally do?

"Well Moony old boy you're exact words were: I'm never leaving you and Prongs alone again! There'll be no Hogwarts to come back to!-Sooo that is why you're here,"

"Pads shut up! Some of us are trying to sleep, you know that thing normal people do!"

A violently thrown pillow smacks Padfoot straight in the face leaving him dazed for almost three seconds

"Prongs that hurt, pillows are hard you know! And anyway no one should be asleep on Christmas day…it's like blasphemy or something!"

"FINE! We're up!"

* * *

**15 minutes later**

**Griffendor common room**

"Hmmm…Wormtail go me chocolate sauce…wonder why?"

"Padfoot I'd tell you but you seriously don't want to know,"

"I wish he was here so I could ask him…"

"Prongs take that back! He is evil…never forget the love chocolates,"

"He's just a little confused…"

"Prongs he had rat babies! That's more that just a little confused,"

"Oooh look, Lily got me a broomstick servicing kit with a little love heart on it, isn't that sweet of her,"

"Prongs, Lily never buys you Christmas presents,"

"Ah Moony my friend, I'm so irresistible you see, I knew she'd give in eventually,"

"Hmmm,"

"Moony…what is this?"

"Erm…a book,"

"Why did you buy me a book,"

"Padfoot that book is a recipe book of a hundred and one things you can do with chocolate, and it's much better than what you got me,"

"I thought you liked socks,"

"Padfoot just because I wear socks, like every other normal person, doesn't mean I actually like them!"

* * *

**Christmas feast**

**Lunch time**

Padfoot: Would you look at that, Snape is all alone 

Prongs: So is Lily, can she sit with us?

Padfoot: Under no circumstances can she-

Lily: Hey Sirius, James

Padfoot: HMPH!

Lily: I'm really sorry for dying your hair pink…but it sort of suited you

Padfoot: HMPH!

Prongs: Thanks for the present Lils, it was really sweet

Padfoot: **gagging** Lils?

Lily: You're welcome, and I really liked the bracelet you brought me

Padfoot: **looking aghast** You brought her a bracelet and all you brought me was a lifetime supply of Honeydukes sweets and a box of self exploding fireworks! For shame!

Prongs: It looks really good on you

Lily: **blushes** thanks

Moony: Sorry to break up this little…whatever the hell this is…but I want to pull a cracker with someone

Padfoot: I'll pull a cracker with you Moony

**Five seconds later **

Padfoot: Oh look twelve white rats, I'll give them to Wormy when he gets back

Moony: You are one sick individual

Padfoot: Why thank you Moony, I do try


	9. Of Oompa Loompa's and detention

**A/N: **Hello my wonderful readers and reviewers, it's nice to see that I have at least one or two avid readers, it makes me smile. Sorry about the delay in my updating (compared to the daily update I usually do) I went on a holiday for a week, but I'm back now so Yay!

**Marauders: **Yay!

* * *

**After Christmas **

**First lesson **

**Herbology**

Padfoot: Okay, this is so weird….**pokes weird jelly plant thing**

Moony: Padfoot your intelligence astounds me

Padfoot: Why thank you Moony…erm what is this thing?

Moony: **slaps forehead** It's a Jellophisious Sporos, basically it's a plant with all the traits of jelly, except with one difference

Padfoot: And that is?

Moony: When you touch it every hair on your body turns green for a month

Padfoot: **eyes wide** OH NO!

Prongs: Oh look, Padfoot's turned into an Oompa Loompa

Padfoot: What the hell is an Oompa Loompa?

Prongs: Charlie and the chocolate factory? Muggle book and film…little orange men with green hair

Padfoot: Wow muggles think of the craziest things

Prongs: Shut up Oompa Loompa and pass me a shovel!

Padfoot: Get your own damn shovel!

Wormtail: Yummy, Padfoot the green **winks at Padfoot**

Padfoot: Oh man…I forgot you were back

Moony: We did try to put a restraining order on him

Wormtail: **grinning broadly** The Minister of Magic would never allow that to happen, he loves me…

Prongs: **singing loudly** Oompa Loompa dumpity do, we have a little message for you…if you're Wormtail and you are gay please refrain from speaking today!

Wormtail: One day you'll regret that

Prongs: Na ah

Wormtail: Ah hah

Prongs: Nah ah

Wormtail: Ah hah

Moony: Shut up both of you or I'll make you touch the Jelly plant

Padfoot: Yay! Go Moony, my hero **Bats eyelids innocently**

Moony: You know that really doesn't work when your eyelashes and eyebrows are both green…

Padfoot: DAMMIT!

* * *

**Next lesson**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: I think I'm gonna ask Evans out 

Prongs: Why?

Padfoot: I dunno…I've already been out with every girl from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff…I think it's about time I tested the waters in Griffendor.

Prongs: But why her? You know she's mine…

Padfoot: When I see you and her actually together I'll agree that she's yours

Prongs: Please don't, I'm begging you…

Padfoot: But look at the way she's looking at me, she wants me

Prongs: She's not looking at you! She's looking at me

Padfoot: HA! If you say so…But then again that Melanie Bones is hot

Prongs: I agree…why don't you ask her out

Padfoot: Done!

Professor M: If you two don't stop writing notes in my class you'll both be in detention

Padfoot: But that's unfair…after all you did tell us to write notes Professor

Professor M: On the lesson Mr Black! Now unless you want Miss Brown to know just how…_hot_ you think she is…

Padfoot: Tell her, I'm sure she'd love to know

Professor M: Detention

Padfoot: Usual time usual place?

Professor M: Of course

* * *

**Detention**

**Transfigurations classroom**

**The lines of the amazing Sirius Black**

**By Sirius Black**

_Passing notes in class is wrong, I mean it's just terrible. But not nearly as terrible as the gross injustice of being placed in detention for it…I mean really! It's a blatant disgrace against all forms of human rights, even animals get treated better! We as students deserve so much better! I have seen the error of my ways, from now on I shall notes far more discreetly than I did before, that'll show the ridiculous imperialistic society that we live in that we as students will not be ignored. The wizarding world will never forget that I Sirius Black sat here today and said enough is enough! Isn't it bad enough that we're punished regularly with exams and homework, I thought so._

"Here you go Professor," 

"Sirius, what is this?"

"My lines on why Passing notes in class is bad,"

"Sirius, you only mentioned passing notes once throughout the entire thing, it looks like a speech written for the MOM!"

"For the mum?"

"The minister of magic you nitwit!"

* * *

Moony: So how was detention? 

Padfoot: How do you think detention was?

Moony: You wrote a speech again didn't you?

Padfoot: Maybe…

Moony: And you've got another detention tomorrow haven't you?

Padfoot: Yep…I think tomorrow I'll fight for better facilities in the dorm room…like maybe a fridge or something

Moony: Oh dear lord is there any hope left in the world?

Padfoot: Nope

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if it was terrible...I wrote it on holiday lol**


	10. The loss of a quidditch match

**A/N: **This one is dedicated to cairyangel who reviewed the last chapter, and to everyone else who has just got their exam results, I hope you all did well.

**M/N:** Moony: Good luck to you all indeed

Padfoot: Yep good luck, even to the slackers, Wooooh power to the slackers

Moony: What kind of example are you trying to set?

Padfoot: One that the Marauders should be proud of setting.

* * *

**Two months later**

**Charms**

Prongs: Lily, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?

Lily: I'd love to…but

Prongs: But what?

Lily: I'm already going with someone…

Prongs: Who?

Lily: Please don't get mad…

Prongs: I swear I won't

Lily: Alright…Sirius

Prongs: Erm…why?

Lily: Well…I thought that you didn't want me anymore…

Prongs: Erm hello! I'm still here, I brought you a bracelet for Christmas remember!?!

Lily: Yeah, but you had just split up with me…I thought you'd done it to make me feel better

Prongs: But I love you

Lily: I know you do

Prongs: Wait…don't you love me?

Lily: Of course I do…you're a great looking guy,

Prongs: Finally! After four years she finally admits it!

Lily: And I think you might be the one

Prongs: So what's the problem then!?!

Lily: I don't want to ruin our future by rushing into things

* * *

**Ten minutes later**

Prongs: Padfoot give me three reasons why I shouldn't kill you right now!

Moony: Come on Padfoot think fast, he might actually mean it this time

Wormtail: Ooh this should be fun…Padfoot when you're dead can I have your miniature motorbike collection?

Padfoot: I'm not going to die!…okay, number 1:I'm perfect and my fan girls will kick your ass

Prongs: Erm, you went out with all your fan girls and broke their hearts, therefore you no longer have any

Padfoot: Number 2: I'm your best friend

Prongs: Moony, you are now honorary best friend

Moony: **Sarcastically** Yay

Padfoot: And number 3: If you kill me you'll go to Azkaban for a very long time

Wormtail: He's got you there

Prongs: I don't care, it'll be worth it

Padfoot: It's not my fault that Lily finds me irresistible

Moony: Oh Padfoot you didn't!!!

Padfoot: Yep

Wormtail: For shame

Padfoot: Moony did it

Moony: she was under a spell, she asked me out and it was Prongs' fault

Prongs: Exactly…And I will forever deny that I had anything to do with it

Moony: But…you did

Prongs: **glaring at Moony** Did not

Wormtail: Don't start this again

* * *

**Three hours later**

**Potions**

Prongs: Did not 

Moony: Did

Prongs: Did not x infinity + infinity

Moony: Did x infinity + infinity x10

Prongs: Dammit!

Padfoot: Does that mean I win?

Prongs: You're kidding aren't you!

Padfoot: Awww…but usually you always let me do what I want

Prongs: No we don't

Moony: If we did that there definitely wouldn't be a Hogwarts to come back to

Padfoot: That's very true Moony…Hogwarts is such an unpleasant name, why not change it to Captain Black's academy of Pirating for morons?

Moony: Because…oh I give up with you

Padfoot: Yay I win…what's my prize?

Wormtail: Me

Padfoot: I don't want it anymore

Moony: Tough, you won therefore you get to keep the prize…aka Wormtail

Padfoot: But Wormtail's a terrible kisser, he can't cook and anyone whose dared entered the Marauders secret base…

Prongs: aka the dorm room

Padfoot: Will know that not one of us can clean

Moony: Actually my part of the room is always clean

Padfoot: But you're a freak of nature!

Moony: I utterly and completely resent that comment

Prongs: You're so insensitive Padfoot!

Padfoot: What did I say?

* * *

**Three days later**

**Griffendor common room**

**Near the fire**

Prongs: Oh woe is me, we lost! How could we loose! We even had Frank Longbottom as Chaser, and John Patel as keeper, it doesn't make sense…why does God hate me so?

Padfoot: Because you lied!

Prongs: About what?

Padfoot: You said, and I quote, 'I swear on the victory of my next quidditch game that there is nothing going on between me and Lily' For shame!

Prongs: How the hell did you remember me saying that!?!

Padfoot: I'm magical

Prongs: **Points want at Padfoot's head** Obliviate!

Padfoot: What was I saying…oh yes bad luck with Quidditch mate, you can't win 'em all

Moony: Even though you lost to Slytherin and the humiliation is horrendous

Prongs: Moony you're not helping!

Moony: Oh am I not? Sorry…What I meant to say is that your hair looks good

Prongs: Better

Wormtail: And you're irresistible

Prongs: Disturbing…

Padfoot: And I want to polish your mighty broomstick

Prongs: Abort! Abort! Mayday! SOS! HELP!!!

* * *

**Midnight**

**Conversation between Prongs and Lily**

"Hard luck with the match against Slytherin,"

"Oh man! You were watching,"

"I wasn't going to miss it, I've never missed a Griffendor match,"

"Why? I didn't see you as the type to enjoy quidditch,"

"I don't,"

"Oh,"

"Look I wanted you to know that nothing happened between me and Sirius,"

"Why would I care?"

"James, I know that you do, he asked if I would _polish his broomstick_, it was pathetic!"

"Erm Lily, you do know Sirius doesn't actually own a broomstick don't you?"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed, only review if you desperately want ****to.**


	11. Padfoot the Clairvoyant

**A/N: **Hello again, Pinkelberry here with yet another chapter for you wonderful fanfickers…say that ten x fast when you drunk lol.

**M/N: **Moony: Okay who let her near the Fire whiskey again?

Padfoot: **shuffles feet innocently** It wasn't me

Prongs: You mean like it wasn't you who blew up the toilet and left the seat on my bed

Padfoot: I told you before…that was Wormtail

Wormtail: HEY!

* * *

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: Lily is amazing

Prongs: She told me everything

Padfoot: About how I rocked her world

Prongs: Nope, about how pathetic you were 'Can you polish my broomstick?' HA!

Padfoot: Fine, nothing happened, _Whatever!_

Moony: OMG! Padfoot didn't make to second bass with a girl 

Wormtail: I once went to fifth base with a girl

Prongs: Wormy you've never had a girl to go to fifth bass with

Wormtail: Oh you mean that wasn't a girl?

Padfoot: If this is about your rat babies again then no!

* * *

_Prongs throws ball of paper to Lily_

Prongs: Hey Lils

Lily: Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that _Jamesykins_?

Prongs: Hsssssss! It burnssesss

Lily: **giggles**

Prongs: You're so naughty

Lily: James we're not playing this game right now

Prongs: DAMMIT!

Lily: Anyway, what do you want?

Prongs: Marry me

Lily: What! You're kidding right?

Prongs: erm…no

Lily: Oh James, one day

Prongs: I'll hold you to it

Lily: You better do

* * *

**Next lesson**

**Divinations**

Padfoot: **Placing hand on crystal ball** Prongs your aura is cloudy, as is your future

Prongs: Oh hadeha

Padfoot: You have recently lost something very important to you

Prongs: That would be the quidditch match

Padfoot: Beware the red haired girl, she will be your undoing

Prongs: Yes I hope she will be my undoing, the undoing of my trousers

Padfoot: Merlin Prongs! Your so filthy, let me lick you clean

Prongs: Down boy! Withhold those doggy urges!

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this chapter is so short…well shortish compared to the other ones but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 


	12. The last day

**A/N:** Sorry that the last chapter was so short, hopefully this one might make up for it just a little bit even though it's not much longer.

**M/N:** Padfoot: Why!!!! Why must we leave fourth year, it's my favourite year

Prongs: And why is that?

Padfoot: Because it's the year before we have to even think about exams, we're all single and free and wonderful

Moony: If you do say so yourself

Padfoot: And, it contained some of the best pranks we ever pulled

Prongs: That's undeniable

Wormtail: How come I wasn't in on any of them?

Padfoot: You were in on some of them

Prongs: You always give us away…

* * *

**A lot later **

**Last Defence against the dark arts lesson**

Padfoot: **Sniffles** I'm gonna miss you guys

Prongs: Why? My mum invited you to stay again this summer, and we have to come back in September

Padfoot: Merlin Prongs you ruin everything!

Prongs: what do you mean?

Padfoot: I was trying to have an emotional farewell before we embark on yet another six weeks of glorious British summer-

Moony: In which I'll be as far away from the cold as possible as I'm off to France this year

Padfoot: -and you go and take all of the emotion away from it

Wormtail: Is it true that in France they wear strings of onions/garlic around there necks?

Moony: No Wormtail you ignorant fool!

Wormtail: What about Beret's?

Moony: Only when they're in fashion

Wormtail: What about black and white stripy shirts and red ascots?

Moony: No! you watch too much muggle television

Wormtail: Do they eat snails and frogs legs though?

Moony: For Merlin's sake no! Only on special occasions…

Wormtail: Padfoot you lied to me!

Padfoot: I did no such thing…it was Prongs

Prongs: Can't we just spend our last DADA lesson in peace?

Moony: now look whose getting all emotional

Padfoot: Yeah Prongs you Hippocryte

Moony: It's spelt hypocrite you idiot!

Padfoot: Sorryy Mr Grouchy…this doesn't have anything to do with your furry little problem does it?

Moony: Why is it that whenever I'm in a bad mood you always assume it has something to do with my…_problem?_

Prongs: To be honest mate it usually does 

Wormtail: Last time you nearly bit my head off

Moony: I was hungry

Padfoot: That's no excuse…you're supposed to be a vegetarian!

* * *

**The secret journal of the self acclaimed genius**

**Sirius Orion Black**

_Dear Journal,_

_I think I'm going to call you Snuffles, _

_Number 1: I did not choose my middle name, nor do I like it, my mother had a cruel sense of humour, I mean just look at my initials…they spell out Son Of a Bitch…its just mean…_

_Number 2:I am an acclaimed genius, not a self acclaimed genius!_

_Number 3: Numbering things is fun_

_Anyway, today is the last day of our fourth year and it had me thinking, in another three years we'll all be gone, all the Marauders gone from Hogwarts, our legend lost in nothing but faded memory. And so I have devised a plan to come up with a prank so ingenious, so incredible, so devious that Hogwarts will never forget us. I cannot yet discuss what this prank will be until seventh year arrives. It has also come to my attention that I'm now fifteen years old and I have been unable to hold down a relationship with a girl for longer than a week! Prongs' mum has invited me to live with them…she met my mother and agreed that it would be for the best. So YAY! Me and Prongsie can be brothers…in a manner of speaking of course. _

Sirius Orion Black

* * *

**Griffendor Boys dorm**

Padfoot: Erm Prongs…what are _they_ doing here?

Prongs: You said you wanted an emotional farewell, so we decided to throw a party, and what's a party without girls?

Padfoot: Did you get some fire whiskey?

Moony: No…I did

Wormtail: Do you think they'll start having a pillow fight?

Prongs: You really do watch too many American muggle movies Wormy old friend

* * *

**Five minutes later**

"Can I have a Fire whiskey?"

"Lils, I'm surprised, I didn't think you drank,"

"There's a lot you don't know about me Jamesykins,"

"What about you Melanie?"

"Sirius if you even come near me again I swear I'll hex you all the way to china!"

"Come on, you can't say you didn't enjoy it…"

"Enjoy what? The dodgy chat up lines? And then you dumped me because…what was it again…you were bored!"

"I'm sorry,"

* * *

**3 hours later**

Padfoot: Yes great idea Prongs, let's invite the girls into our dorm for the night, ingenious really. Except now we have nowhere to sleep!

Prongs: I have the best idea for a prank

Moony: I don't want to be involved this time

Wormtail: Me neither

Prongs: Your loss

Padfoot: So what's the plan?

Prongs: Well…what we're going to do is…

* * *

**The next morning**

"James, why am I in your bed?"

"Lily, don't you remember?"

"No…what happened?"

"Oh it was amazing,"

"James what did we do?"

"I can't believe you can't remember, I'm hurt,"

"Just tell me what happened,"

"It was the best nights sleep I've ever had,"

Lily slaps James hard across the face "Merlin! You made me think that-…Never speak to me again!" 

"What…never ever?"

"No James, not even never ever! Just never!"

* * *

**A/N: **Okay that was the very last chapter of the Marauders in their fourth year, I've got a lot of years to go through so they're going to be quite short.

**M/N:** Padfoot: Once again we are doing what Pinkelberry (the author) is too polite to do. **Lifts up weird medallion thing and swings it in front of readers eyes** repeat after me- I will review, I will review, I will review.

Moony: Knock it off Padfoot

Padfoot: **Swings medallion in front of Moony's eyes** Padfoot is the greatest human being that ever walked the earth, he is greater than an Adonis, he is a god in human form, he may even be Merlin reincarnated.

Moony: **In hypnotised monotone** Padfoot is the greatest human being that ever walked the earth, he is greater than an Adonis, he is a god in human form, he may even be Merlin reincarnated.


	13. Letters over summer

**A/N:** Now for something a little different, instead of passing notes the Marauders are going to send each other letters…to fill the gap between the summer holidays and the start of the fifth year.

**M/N:** Padfoot: Woooh Letter time

Moony: Why are you getting excited? You're a terrible writer

Padfoot: Am not

Moony: We'll just let the readers decide

* * *

**To: Moony **

**From: Prongs**

Hey Moonykins!

Or should I say Bonjour? How's France?

Can't write an extra long letter, Pads wants to go for a walk again…he's decided to spend the summer as Snuffles again. It's okay though, mum's always wanted a dog and dad's just impressed that Padfoot managed to learn such advanced magic.

Cheese and Spaggetios

Prongs

* * *

**To: Prongs**

**From: Moony**

I resent being called Moonykins completely,

I have no sympathy for you, I had to suffer him last year, it's your turn. Isn't it bad enough that my father took pity on Wormtail and decided to bring him with us to France! He's asleep at the moment thank Merlin! He won't stop asking the French people if they really eat snails and frogs legs, I can't take it anymore!

Cheese and Spaggetios? Very imaginative!

Moonycakes and furballs

Moony

* * *

**To: Lily Evans**

**From: Your one true love**

Look Lily I was an idiot okay, I'll admit it…I just thought it would be funny. But obviously you didn't think it was. I'm still in love with you, always will be, you stole my heart right from the beginning, please forgive me. I'm actually begging you right now. I understand if you never want to speak to me again, seen as you said 'I never want to speak to you again' but I'll die if I never hear your voice again. The stars will be gone from the sky and the sun will never shine if we can never even be friends.

Forever yours

Your Jamesykins

* * *

**To: James Potter**

**From: Lily Evans**

James, I don't want it to be this way anymore than you do but you really scared me, I actually believed that we…_you know_. It's not that I'd be ashamed if we did it's just I'd prefer it to be…special, and being able to remember it would be good to. Why can't you just be more mature? You know like Remus is? No before you say anything I don't like Remus, not like that anyway. When you can sit through one of Dumbledore's speeches without cracking a joke or not pull a prank just for the hell of it…and just once leave Severus Snape alone…then I'll consider at least being friends with you again.

Yours,

Lils

* * *

**To: Wormtail**

**From: Prongs**

Dude seriously leave the poor French people alone,

You're scaring them and Moony. Remember that Moony went on holiday to relax and get some peace, don't send him back all stressed. There's a good Wormy.

Snuggly bunny rabbits

Prongs

* * *

**To: Prongs**

**From: Wormtail**

Ewww I ate a snail! They're disgusting…Moony made me eat one to shut me up…it was horrible, I'm glad I didn't accept the frogs legs. He's been reading a lot. Oh it was so funny, he went through his change and his parents had to tie him down…it was like something out of a film.

Kinky horsy snakes

Wormtail

* * *

**To: Wormtail**

**From: Padfoot**

Merlin Wormtail! I read what you wrote to Prongs…I really don't want to know what films you watch Wormy!

Disturbing delusional dolphins

Padfoot.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, in the next chapter the Marauders will be entering their fifth year, hope you'll all enjoy 


	14. Of Prongs's secret talent

**A/N:** OMG! I was just looking through the stats thingy and wow how many hits have I got for this story! More than I've ever had before. Thank you guys so much. Yeah I'm dedicating this chapter to Crayon-Lover because of her lovely comments that made me smile and also dragongirl67 for her embarrassing mistake lol…

**M/N: **Moony: Pinkelberry does not own Harry Potter

Padfoot: Nor us the Marauders for we are of our own design

Wormtail: She can own me anytime

Padfoot: **slaps Wormtail around the back of the head**

Prongs: However she does own this story and all the ideas within it.

Padfoot: So hands off copy pants!

Moony: I always thought it was copy _cats_

Padfoot: I'm Padfoot, I can change things if I want to!

* * *

**Six weeks later**

**Defence against the dark arts**

Moony: I almost forgot…I got gifts for you all from France 

Padfoot: Presents! Presents! Presents! Presents! **bouncing around in seat**

Prongs: Padfoot grow up

_Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail stare at Prongs in utter astonishment_

Prongs: What?

Padfoot: You told me to grow up! **Whimpers**

Moony: What's gotten into you Prongs? Last year you would've been bouncing around with Pads

Wormtail: Huh? What was that? Prongs bounces around with Padfoot!

Prongs: Love has gotten into me Moony, Aphrodite herself, such beauty incarnate-

Padfoot: Lily told him to be more mature over the holidays

Moony: What a way to interpret Pads

Padfoot: Why thank you Moony ol' buddy ol' pal

Prongs: Look I blew my chance last year, this is my last chance to-

Moony: Make her see that you are the only one for her

Prongs: Right and-

Padfoot: That it is your destiny to be together

Prongs: Exactly and also-

Wormtail: That she'll never ever find anyone like you

Prongs: Yes…

Padfoot: You say this every year…you've proved before that you can get any girl you want, why don't you go out with someone else to take your mind off Lily?

Moony: Padfoot's right

Padfoot: Say that again, I want to savour this moment

Moony: **Sighs** Padfoot's right, this obsession you have with her is…_unnatural_

Prongs: Do you think it'll make her jealous?

Padfoot: Oh yeah definitely mate

Prongs: Then she'll definitely go out with me, alright I'll do it!

* * *

**Break time**

**Outside charms classroom**

Conversation between Prongs and a Ravenclaw called Natalie Umbra 

"Your eyes shine so brightly that I can't stop but look into them, if not to find out if the stars themselves are hidden there,"

"Oh James, I don't understand, you've never spoken to me before,"

"Ah but my dear Natalie I have been admiring your beauty from afar for so long that I dared nor speak to you lest the words should be caught in my throat,"

"I know what you mean,"

"D'ya wanna eat lunch with me by the lake?

"But won't the teachers notice we're gone?"

"Yes, but it won't matter as long as we're together,"

* * *

**Transfigurations **

**Half an hour later**

Padfoot: So…any luck?

Prongs: Of course…Natalie Umbra, Ravenclaw

Padfoot: Nice one

Moony: How do you do it? I've been trying to speak to her for a year now and you say a few words to her and she's suddenly yours

Prongs: Pure talent mate

Padfoot: That's actually true, Prongs has a way with words, he once practised one of his chat up lines on me and I wanted to kiss him!

Wormtail: I wanted to kiss him the first time I saw him

Prongs: **Looks at Wormtail in wide eyed fear** Okay then…change of subject please.

* * *

**Griffendor common room**

**Conversation between Prongs and Lily**

"I heard about you and Natalie," 

"And?"

"She's nice,"

"Just nice? She's fantastic!"

"She doesn't seem like your type,"

"I completely disagree, she's fun, intelligent and drop dead gorgeous!"

"Merlin James! She's a total slag!"

"Is someone _jealous_?"

"Why the hell would I be jealous? I'm not jealous! I hate you!"

"I love you to sweetie,"

"GRRRR!"

* * *

**A/N: **Is Lily jealous? Will Wormtail ever come out? Does Padfoot have a secret obsession with Moony's big bushy wolf tail? Will Prongs ever grow up and be mature? Find out next chapter. 

**M/N: **Padfoot: But you'll only see if you review, for we the Marauders demand it!

Moony: No Padfoot demands it, we the rest of the Marauder's are quite content with the current flow of reviews


	15. Of Moony's first date

**A/N: **Bonjour my wonderful readers, and welcome to the fifteenth chapters where no questions asked at the end of the last chapter will be answered because I forgot what the questions were…

**M/N: **Padfoot: Pinkelberry has now gained ownership of me

Moony: No she hasn't, you still belong to JK Rowling

Padfoot: But she killed me off

Moony: She killed us all off…you're the only person who seems to be bothered by it

Pinkelberry (the author): Actually half of the fanfickers are bothered about it…Moony your death was like totally pathetic, Padfoot got killed by a curtain (in the book) and Prongs…well we never really knew Prongs…even Wormtail got a better death…

Wormtail: Why thank you

Pinkelberry: That wasn't a compliment…

* * *

**Two weeks later**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: What a downer 

Prongs: Yeah

Moony: I disagree, I've been planning for this for three years

Padfoot: Moony, how have you ever got the time for school work and exams when we give you such a wild social life?

Moony: **Number 1**: I'm a prefect

**Number 2**: I choose to stay out of certain things so that I do have time for such wonderful things as school work and exams

**Number 3**: Unlike the two of you I never have a date

Prongs: Something we shall have to remedy

Moony: No Prongs! No girl would ever want me, I'm a monster!

Padfoot: No you're a dashingly timid guy

Wormtail: I'd date you

Moony: Oh yes very reassuring Wormtail

Prongs: _Anyway_…there are tons of girls who would date you, you have the sexy mysterious thing going on

Moony: Really?

Padfoot: Yep, and every Ravenclaw girl admires and intelligence

Moony: Well I am rather intelligent

Prongs: And everyone digs your bookishness

Moony: Is that even a word?

Prongs: Could be…

* * *

**Break**

**Griffendor common room**

Padfoot: Oh go on Moony, she's been staring at you this whole time 

Moony: But what would I say?

Prongs: I've got something…

_Prongs whispers something inaudible in Moony's ear_

Moony: Your eyes shine like the arse? I don't think that'll work

Prongs: **slams palm into forehead** No that's not what I said…here try this instead…

* * *

**Ten seconds later**

**Conversation between Moony and Molly Turnstine (who would be Weasley)**

"Erm…hi,"

"Hello,"

"I couldn't help but notice the way your beautiful hair shimmers beneath the light,"

"Thanks…I guess,"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me at the weekend?"

"I guess so…"

"Great,"

* * *

**5 seconds later**Padfoot: How did it go? 

Moony: Okay I suppose

Prongs: She's not very talkative that one

Moony: I noticed

Padfoot: Don't discourage him Prongs

Prongs: Sorry

Moony: It doesn't matter…we're going to Hogsmeade together

Padfoot: **Sarcastically** _Oh how romantic_

Moony: That's where you usually take girls!!!

* * *

**The Weekend**

**Hogsmeade**

Padfoot: Awww, isn't it so cute, our ickle Moonykins is all grown up 

Prongs: **wipes a tear from eye** they grow up so fast

Wormtail: You still have me

Padfoot: Oh look they're kissing

Prongs: How sweet

Wormtail: HELLO!!!

Padfoot: Maybe they'll get married

Prongs: I bagsy best man

Padfoot: Why do you get best man?

Prongs: Because you get to be best man at _my_ wedding

Wormtail: What about me?

Prongs: You get to be best man at Padfoot's wedding

Padfoot: Which is just as well because I'm not getting married

Prongs: What never?

Padfoot: Nope, I'm like the wind, a free spirit

Prongs: If you say so…oh look there's Lily, be back in a second

Padfoot: What happened to Natalie?

Prongs: She didn't shut up…ever

* * *

**Conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"Hey Lils,"

"Oh it's Lils again now is it?"

"Don't be like this,"

"Like what? I'm not being like anything!"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine…just fine!"

"You don't sound fine to me,"

"Of course I'm not fine!"

"Erm…why?"

"Doesn't matter,"

* * *

**Monday**

**Charms**

**3****rd**** period**

Padfoot: So are you seeing Molly again anytime soon? 

Moony: Unfortunately not, she's seeing someone, an Arthur Weasley apparently

Padfoot: Oh that ginger guy in seventh year?

Moony: **gulps** he's in seventh year!

Prongs: Yeah…but he has a strange thing for muggles, took muggle studies and everything…and yet for some reason he still doesn't quite know how to use a telephone

Padfoot: You don't know how to use a telephone!

Prongs: That's completely besides the point…

Padfoot: What Prongs here was trying to say is that Arthur is a bit…weird…well you'd have to be with a name like that

Prongs: Coming from a guy called _Sirius_

Padfoot: Hey my name's cool, I'm named after a star! In fact two stars Sirius and Orion, you must bow down to my superiority for you are merely _James_

Prongs: At least my name's normal

Padfoot: Who the hell wants a normal name!

Wormtail: I have a normal name…

Padfoot: Oh big whoop, both me and Remus have spectacularly abnormal names

Moony: Are we really having an argument about whose name is weirder?

Padfoot, Prongs & Wormtail: YES!

Moony: **Rolls eyes** God please kill me now, I beg of you!

* * *

**A/N: **I know that Molly Weasley probably wasn't in the same year as the Marauders, and I understand that she probably never went out with Arthur, however this is my story and I can change things if I want to.

**M/N:** Moony: Oh god Padfoot you're rubbing off on her

Padfoot: I wish

Prongs: Hey that's my line

Padfoot: Mine now so nyahhh!!!


	16. Of Kermit the frog

**A/N:** Luckily for you people I am not letting my emotions get in the way of my writing, even though yesterday I got dumped after a year and three months, so yeah please enjoy. Also I've been busy with college so the next few chapters haven't been planned yet.

**M/N:** Padfoot: Do you think there's a reason she makes us do this?

Moony: Yes, to make us involved more in the creation of the story,

Padfoot: But it's sooo boring

Prongs: No it's not…let's just get on with it…

Padfoot: Fine…We the Marauders do solemnly swear the Pinkelberry the author has no rights over Harry Potter

Prongs: Although she would do if JK Rowling would stop avoiding her contract letters that she sends regularly

Moony: But all in all she's not crazy. And she does own our characterisations, this story and indeed Kermit the frog

Wormtail: Wow she owns Kermit the frog? That's amazing

Moony: **rolls eyes**

**

* * *

**

**Defence against the dark arts**

**Two weeks later**

_Professor E, or as I like to call him Mr E rambles on for half an hour on the difference between Hinkypunks and Grindylows_

Moony: He does know that we learned all this last year right?

Padfoot: Huh? We _learn_ things?

Moony: Yes Padfoot, we're in a classroom, and over there that's a teacher, he teaches us things therefore we _learn_, understand?

Padfoot: Nope you've lost me

Wormtail: Really?

Padfoot: **sarcastically** Yes really Wormtail, I'm stupid and everything Moony says makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever

Wormtail: I had no idea you were so thick

Padfoot: **Slaps own forehead** OUCH!

Prongs: What you do?

Padfoot: Hit myself too hard…

Prongs : **Starts laughing uncontrollably**

Padfoot: Stop laughing at me!

Prongs: It's a free world

Padfoot: Not after I've got my hands on it and claimed it as my own

Moony: Now that's not much incentive for us to let you claim it now is it?

Padfoot: But we can all be Pirates, as our name 'The Marauders' suggests we should be…I mean come on, sailing the seven seas-

Prongs: Pads you've never been on a ship before and the only boat you've ever been on was that self rowing rowing boat in first year…

Padfoot: Ha ha…can you remember the look on Wormtail's face when he fell in?

Wormtail: I never fell in! I was pushed by you

Padfoot: **looking all innocent** Na ah, I never pushed anyone in the lake, you fell after I gently tapped you on the shoulder

Prongs: You wouldn't know the meaning of the word gentle

Padfoot: Oh yeah, come back to the secret base later and I'll show you

* * *

**Lunch Conversation between the Marauders**

"Okay, you completed operation _greenfly_ right," "Of course I did Pads," "Excellent Prongs, now remember to take a small amount of everything to avoid suspicion,"

"Should we tell Moony and Wormtail?"

"Why?"

"Because they might eat it?"

"They deserve it, Moony let me touch it in the first place and Wormtail just creeps me out,"

"Okay, remember, don't eat the jelly, potatoes or anything that looks like it wobbles,"

_Twenty minutes later the hall is filled with gasps of surprise followed by laughter as everyone's hair turns green…except for a few Slytherin's, one or two Hufflepuffs, half of the Ravenclaw table and Padfoot and Prongs who are sitting straight faced._

"Did you two have something to do with this?"

"No need to hiss at us Moonykins,"

"Padfoot I'm warning you!"

"It was all Padfoot's idea I swear,"

"Prongs I find that very hard to believe,"

"Well obviously, I pulled it off but he came up with it,"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"What is it Wormtail?"

"I'm green Prongs! Green I tell ya!"

"That's because you decided o grow both sideburns and a beard over the holidays…_Muppet_,"

"Ha Ha…it's Kermit,"

"Shut it Padfoot,"

"Calm it Kermit,"

"That was neither funny nor inspired,"

"I can't wait till the full moon when we see our furry little friend all green,"

"Ha Ha very funny,"

* * *

**Assorted notes from the book of Moony**

**By Remus J Lupin**

I must plot my revenge on both Padfoot and Prongs for their evil misdeed towards myself and the rest of the school, but mainly because they did not warn me. Every single hair on my body is green, it's terrifying. It must be when they least expect it and must be planned perfectly. Mistakes must be avoided at all costs.

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, obviously humour can be found even when your heart is broken.**

**M/N: Moony: Don't cry Pinkelberry, we still love you**

**Padfoot: You'll find someone else, unfortunately we're fictional characters, but if we weren't **_**wink wink**_


	17. of Womanly womanly men

**A/N:** So sorry about the oooberly long wait for this here update. I've just started college and I have seriously no time.

**M/N:** Padfoot: I'm hurt Pinkelberry, very hurt, that you would ditch us for _further education_ you traitor!

Moony: I'm proud of you for working so hard

Padfoot: Hmph!

Prongs: **In true lawyer stylee** Pinkelberry does not own Harry Potter nor the Marauders however she does own our characterisations because she created us and whatnot. Although one day she will take over the world and all the publishing companies, forcing them to give her ownership of every awesome book in the world.

* * *

**The next day**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: We're doomed! Doomed I tell ya!

Prongs: Why what's happening?

Padfoot: Weren't you listening?

Prongs: You mean you were?

Padfoot: Actually yes, anyway she says out OWLS are in June!

Prongs: And your point is?

Padfoot: That's only eight months away, EIGHT MONTHS PRONGS! And after that we're leaving again and then we're coming back again, then we're leaving again and then it's our last year!

Prongs: Okay who let Padfoot near the fizzy drinks again? You know how he gets

Wormtail: **looking around innocently** wasn't me…

Moony: It never is…

Prongs: Lily's hair is so beautiful, I hope our children look like her, of course with bits of me included, especially if we have a son, as you all know I'm well endowed, after all my wand is 16"

Moony: Way too much information there Prongs

Padfoot: Huh? Lily's pregnant?

Prongs: No…but one day she will be

Moony: You mean like your strange idea that the two of you are destined to be married?

Prongs: We are! I asked her and she said 'One day'

Padfoot: You were dreaming again weren't you

Prongs: Nope this was completely real

Moony: You said that when you had that dream that some creepy snake-like looking guy was going to kill you…

Prongs: He _is_ going to kill me, and one of you amongst us will betray me

Padfoot: Merlin Prongs you're not Jesus!

* * *

**Next lesson**

**Herbology**

**Conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"Hey Lily, will you go out with me?"

"Potter if you don't leave me alone I'll feed you to the venomous Tentacular in greenhouse 4!"

"Is that a yes?"

"No!"

"Not even if I said please?"

"I'm warning you!"

Back with the Marauders Padfoot: So much for her carrying your unborn child 

Prongs: For Merlin's sake she's not pregnant yet!

Padfoot: Ah I see…so _Lily's_ not pregnant, but you are…

Prongs: Erm newsflash memale, can't get pregnant

Padfoot: As much as I'd like to believe you al evidence points to the contrary

Prongs: Are you saying I'm fat!

Padfoot: No I'm saying you're a girl

Moony: That explains everything

Prongs: What's that supposed to mean?

Moony: The obsession with your hair, the strange fixation that you're in love with a girl you barely know, the mood swings…need I go on?

Wormtail: Don't forget the crying

Prongs: I do not cry!

Padfoot: What about that time you wore a dress?

Prongs: We were having a fancy dress Halloween party! I was dressed as Julius Caesar! I wasn't wearing a dress it was a toga!

Padfoot: Looked like a dress to me…

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the oober shortness of this chapter, like I said I haven't got much time…

**M/N:** Padfoot: I don't care how little time you have, you will spend more time with us

Moony: After all it was your idea to try and find out what we were really like at school

Prongs: Bearing in mind that JK makes everyone look so innocent

Wormtail: Except for all those loverly evil pranks we pull

Prongs: Well yes except for that…


	18. of OWLS and Snapes

**A/N:** Okay, first of all I'm really sorry for taking so long with the update, stupid English Language coursework ¬¬…anyway here's the new chapter…I had to base some of it on events that took place in the Order of the phoenix…you'll see why.

**M/N:** Moony: Pinkelberry is aware that she can never own the Marauders…hey wait there's no need for this anymore…

Padfoot: MOONY!!! WE'RE DOOMMEEDDD!!!

* * *

**Break**

**After first exam**

**Which was Potions**

**Conversation with the Marauders in secret base**

"So Prongsie ol' buddy ol' pal, how'dya do?"

"Fantastically of course Padfoot, and you?"

"I wowed the examiners, intoxicated Slughorn and even wooed Moony,"

"I would like to clarify that you, my dear Padfoot, could never woo me, I am unwooable,"

"Wow…did you just hear that, Moony used a nonexistent word…"

"Yes Wormtail, I did, I'm not proud of it but desperate times call for desperate measures,"

"He he Prongs, can you remember when we brewed that love potion for Dumbledore?"

"Urgh! Don't remind me Pads, he was all over McGonagall like a rash, an old wrinkly, bearded rash,"

"I wish I was all over McGonagall like a rash,"

"Oh Merlin! Wormtail go sit on the naughty step!"

"B-b-but Moony, I hate the naughty step!"

"It wouldn't be a punishment if you liked it now go…go on,"

* * *

**Back in the Griffendor common room**

**Before Transfigurations exam**

Everything is quiet and still until… 

"Ouch!"

Moony unravels bal of paper that had hit his head really hard 

Padfoot: Mooooonnyy!!! I can't remember the spell to turn a mouse into a teacup

Moony: That's because we never turned a mouse into teacup

Padfoot: Lies! Lies I tell you!

Moony: We turned a mouse into a chair though…

Padfoot: Are you lying to me? You are aren't you Moony…a mouse is too small to be turned into a chair

Moony: A chair for a dolls house you idiot!

Padfoot: Oh…that makes sense then doesn't it.

* * *

**5 seconds later**

Padfoot: Prongs what'ya dooin'?

Prongs: I'm writing a poem

Padfoot: But you're supposed to be reviiiissinngg

Prongs: This is far more important than revising…what rhymes with fire?…ah yes _desire_

Padfoot: And liar, mire, wire, dire, sire, buyer, all these words rhyme with fire too

Prongs: Padfoot you're an idiot

Padfoot: That was very blunt

Prongs: And yet well deserved

Padfoot: Naturally I disagree…

Prongs: And naturally you'd be wrong

Padfoot: **grabs paper from Prongs** Your hair shines like the brightest fire filling my heart with strong desire…awww that's so sweet

Prongs: Really? You really think so?

Padfoot: Yeah…but Lily won't like it

Prongs: DAMMIT! **screws up paper** what did you want again?

Padfoot: How d'ya turn a mouse into a teaspoon?

Prongs: The same way you turn a toad into a goblet

Padfoot: Ohh yeh…that makes sense now

* * *

**During Transfigurations exam **

**An hour later**

Padfoot: Did you see what I did Moony? Did ya? Huh did ya? I…the amazing wizard that I am managed to turn a mouse into a teaspoon…told you, you were lying,

Moony: Padfoot I'm trying to concentrate! And well done…looks more like a tablespoon to me though…

Padfoot: IT'S A TEASPOON!!!!

Moony: Okay fine…it's a teaspoon _whatever

* * *

_**The next day **

**Defense against the dark arts written exam **

_The slightly adequate exam paper of Peter Pettigrew _

_**Q1. What are the five main qualities of a werewolf?**_

Hmm…let's see shall we… 

_Werewolves are larger than average wolfs._

_They have pointy ears._

_They have yellow eyes with slitted pupils,_

_And they have a huge appetite._

_Finally they have very very sharp pointy teeth…_

_**Q2. Where do Grindylows live?**_

_In lakes, we have some in our lake, they hang out with the giant squid…one pulled me in once, it was horrible_

_**Q3. Where would you find a vampire?**_

_In Transylvanian caves, and dark places…generally.

* * *

_

**Lunch**

**By the great tree by the lake**

**Convo with the Marauders**

"Ah look over there, my Venus, my Aphrodite, my-"

"Prongs Aphrodite didn't have red hair…"

"Then Moony she is better than Aphrodite,"

"Did you hear about the guy who left his girlfriend in the Antarctica?"

"Why would we Wormy?"

"Dunno…though you might be interested,"

"Well as interesting as that was to us all, I am still trying to revise,"

"For what Moonykins?"

"For the divinations exam tomorrow Padfoot,"

"Well it's lucky I took care of magical creatures instead then isn't it?"

"Does anyone else smell a greasy, slimy snake?"

"Ha ha, here he comes, oooh you can see the grease from here,"

"And you can smell him from here to,"

"Prongs for Merlin's sake stop playing with your hair!"

"No Moony I will not stop playing with my hair!"

"_PRONGS_!"

"Alright, _alright_, I'll stop already!"

"Good boy, and put that snitch away!"

"Yes mummy,"

* * *

**5 minutes later**

**Convo between Marauders an unsuspecting Snivellus and Lily**

"All right Snivellus?"

_Snape drops his bag, pulls out his wand and turns to attack Prongs, but Prongs already has his wand ready._

"Expelliarmus! Now really Snapey ol' buddy ol' pal, that wasn't very nice, Impedimenta!"

_Snape falls over, lying panting on the floor. A huge crowd gather round, some laughing others frowning with pity. _

"So, how'd the exam go Snivelly?"

"I was watching him Prongs, his nose was touching the parchment, there'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word,"

"You – wait…you-wait!"

"Wait for what Snape? What're you going to do wipe your nose on us?"

"You Bastard! You stupid fucking bastard!"

"Now now Snivelly, wash your mouth out, Scourgify!"

_Pink soup bubbles stream from Snape's mouth, froth choking him. Lily storms over._

"Leave him alone!"

"All right there Evans?"

"Leave him alone Potter! What's he done to you?"

"Well…it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"

"You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag Potter! Leave him alone!"

"I will…if you go out with me Lils, go on…go out with me. I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again,"

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!"

"That's not what you said last night!"

"Bad luck Prongs mate,"

_Snape directs want at Prongs, there's a flash of light and a gash appears on the side of his face. Prongs turns around and curses Snape, who flips upside down and is suspended in the air, his robes fall down to reveal once again greying boxers with lover hearts on them._

"_LET HIM DOWN!"_

"Certainly my love,"

"Petrificus totalus!"

"LEAVE HIM ALONE SIRIUS!"

"Ah my dear sweet Evans, put your wand away, I don't want to hex you,"

"Take the curse of him then Potter!"

_Prongs sighs and takes the curse of Snape_

"You're lucky Evans was here Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy mudbloods like her!"

"Fine…I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_,"

"Apologise to Evans!"

"Potter I don't want _you_ to make him apologise to me, you're as bad as he is!"

"What! I never called you a-you know what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch! Walking down the corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can-I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me sick!"

"Evans! Hey Evans don't go! Lils!"

* * *

**5 seconds later**

**Convo between the Marauders…with onlookers**

"What is it with her?"

"Well Prongs, reading between the lines I'd say you're a bit conceited mate,"

"Right Pads…big word for you that,"

"I know, I spent all day looking for it,"

_Snape is hanging upside down again_

"So…who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

"I do!"

"Wormtail I was kidding…nobody wants to see that!"

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I know this chapter went a bit serious but I just had to include that scene, and because of that I had to do it properly…no mistakes allowed…hope you enjoyed it anyway. 

**M/N: **Padfoot: Pinkelberry…you promised you wouldn't ignore us…

Moony: Cut her some slack Pads…she's got a lot of work to do,

Padfoot: So have we…but we can't get on with it without her telling us what to do…

Moony: That's a good point…but I personally enjoyed my holiday…

Padfoot: I didn't…Wormtail came with me…

Moony: Ah revenge is so sweet.


	19. of heartbreak and a fallen hero

**A/N: **Hey guys…welcome to another glorious chapter of We the Marauders do solemnly swear, hosted by me Pinkelberry with special guest stars Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail and Prongs.

**M/N: **Moony: Pinkelberry does not own us

Padfoot: But she might as well because she's soo much cooler than JK Rowling

Prongs: Take that back! Can't you feel the evils being given by the readers

Padfoot: Ok she's almost cooler than JK Rowling but not quite

Prongs: Better

Wormtail: This is meant to be humorous…please raise any concerns if you find anything offensive at Pinkelberry will try her very best to sort it out…

* * *

**A week later**

**Griffendor Common room**

**After Quidditch practice**

Prongs: Padfoot she still isn't talking to me…I don't understand it! I was only pranking Snivellus…we always do it…he's nothing special to her!

Padfoot: Mate are you completely blind? They've been best friends since first year

Prongs: WHAT! And you didn't think to tell me?

Padfoot: Erm hello…didn't think it was important

Prongs: Don't you understand? If I'd known that they were so close I would have been nice to him and Lily would be mine already!

Padfoot: You really believe that?

Prongs: Yes…

Padfoot: Then here's my advice…we only prank people in private…or better yet we kill Snape

Prongs: We can't kill him!

Padfoot: Fine then we'll scare him…show him Moony on a bad day

Prongs: Pads have you gone completely insane? We're not going to endanger his life…that's not what we're about

Padfoot: Fine! But I gave you the chance…don't forget that

* * *

**Three weeks later**

**Conversation between Lily and Prongs**

"I heard what you did for Snape," 

"You did?"

"Yes…he told me,"

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone about Remus…I've known for years,"

"You have?"

"Course I have…you did a good thing James…you saved his life,"

"I couldn't let him get hurt,"

"He didn't deserve it,"

"Yes he did…no one deserves to die,"

_Lily kisses Prongs furiously, releasing him at last leaving him gasping for breath_

"I don't understand,"

"You did a considerate thing for another human being…showing that you're not an arrogant and conceited pig,"

"Oh…so you wanna go out with me?"

"Yep,"

"Cool!"

* * *

**The next day**

**Transfigurations**

Padfoot: Why are you looking so happy? 

Wormtail: You had sex didn't you!

Prongs: None of your business Padfoot, and no Wormtail I am still a virgin

Padfoot: Oh come on…you know you want to tell us

Moony: Even though I usually prefer to stay out of this sort of thing I find myself utterly intrigued

Prongs: Actually…Padfoot I should thank you really for my eternal happiness

Padfoot: What did I do?

Prongs: If you hadn't tried to kill Severus and I hadn't saved him this could never have happened

Moony: What could never have happened?

Wormtail: Ok I've got it…you married a pineapple

Prongs: I have finally made Lily Evans mine

Wormtail: How could you! The pineapple does not deserve to be cheated on!

Padfoot: Are you being serious?

Moony: Merlin's beard I think he is

Prongs: Yep, we're officially going out

Padfoot: **sniff** WHY!?!

Prongs: Don't cry Padfoot…be happy for me…

Padfoot: FINE!

**

* * *

**

Lunch 

**On the grounds**

**Conversation between Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail**

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of a great friend, a true Marauder to the end, an intelligent-"

"Padfoot why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry…I can't help it, this is a terrible moment for me,"

"Please continue,"

"Thank you Wormtail I will…an intelligent wizard, an amazing chaser and a generally great guy…handsome too…"

"You do know he's right over there don't you?"

"Moony whoever that is over there it's _**not**_ Prongs…Prongs would never leave his friends for a girl…"

"Yes he would! Remember that it is _Lily_ he's leaving us for…the girl of his dreams…his Aphrodite…his Venus…"

"The evil flame haired temptress that will be his DOOM!"

"_Padfoot_!"

"Moony look at them…it's sick! I've never seen two people who could find themselves so far inside each others mouths that they're practically eating each other…they should be arrested for cannibalism!"

"Padfoot be nice they love each other,"

"How can they? They've been going out for less than a day!"

"Well Prongs has always loved her,"

"Very true Wormtail he has always loved her,"

"But she hated him!"

"Padfoot! You know that's not true…"

* * *

**Common room**

**Late that night**

**Conversation between Padfoot and Prongs**

"Evening,"

"Padfoot why must you be so cold?"

"Because I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"Erm last time I checked I was still Prongs,"

"When was the last time you pulled a prank?"

"Erm…three days ago…why?"

"The real Prongs would've pulled at least three pranks a day…she's put the Imperious curse on you hasn't she?"

"What? Pads you're being ridiculous!"

"The real Prongs wouldn't have thought I was being ridiculous…"

"I am the real Prongs!"

* * *

**A/N: Okay, and that's that for that chapter…more on the way with a special ask the Marauders session, put all questions in your reviews and I'll make sure that they are answered as truthfully as possible**

**M/N: Padfoot: We the Marauders cannot promise to be truthful…please don't ask embarrassing questions…**

**Moony: No do…I want to know what Padfoot will do!!**


	20. Replacement Prongs

**A/N:**BLAH!!! Sorry I'm in a really random mood today…so forgive me if during this chapter I go off on some sort of strange tangent. But do enjoy won't you.

**M/N: **Moony: A tangent is a conversation that is completely off topic…not the geometrical term.

Padfoot: Moony nobody cares

Wormtail: I care

Padfoot: That's because you're weird.

* * *

**Defence against the dark arts **

**Two weeks later**

**Third period**

Prongs: **waving poster in front of Padfoot's face **Padfoot what is this?

Padfoot: **shrugs** It's a poster Prongs

Prongs: **rolling eyes** I'm aware that it's a poster Padfoot! Why have you made them?

Padfoot: Well…seen as you are _still_ under the imperious curse I decided that we need a replacement…you know another you, a new best friend until you realise what an idiot you're being

Prongs: How very thoughtful of you…**starts to read poster aloud** Requires talent on a broomstick and with a wand, flirtatious skills, a good sense of humour and strong dislike for Slytherins…also an obsession with a particular girl is a must…ha ha very funny

Padfoot: Hey you missed the 'messy hair and glasses' bit

Prongs: I know I did…

Padfoot: So…d'ya like it?

Prongs: Of course I don't! How could you replace me? I'm irreplaceable!

Padfoot: About that…we've already got ten auditions, sorry mate

Prongs: **glares** no you're not

* * *

**Lunch**

**Griffendor common room**

**Conversation with Padfoot and first year Prongs wannabes**

"Right…any questions?"

"Yeah…why are we doing this again?"

"Not from you Moony! I meant questions from the firsties,"

"When do we get to turn Mrs Norris into a pumpkin?"

"That's the final part of your training ickle Prongs…any other questions?"

"Erm…why do we have to go after a girl?"

"You're gay aren't you?"

"No!"

"I think you should come back next year when we'll be holding auditions for Wormtail,"

"Huh? You're replacing me? What did I do?"

"Nothing…nothing at all…"

* * *

**That night**

**Second year auditions**

"Yeah you're getting it, you have to make it really messy, like you've just got off a broom,"

"Why?"

"Because that's what Prongs does…oh and stand up straighter, Prongs struts, for he has reason to,"

"Like this?"

"That's not strutting! That's limping! Get off my set! I can't work in these conditions!"

Enter Prongs "Ah Prongs ol' buddy ol' pal," 

"Hello Moony, Wormtail…_you_, how's it going, you know with the replacing me an' all?"

"Prongs don't take this personally, Wormtail and I had nothing to do with it we swear,"

"Yep…it was all Padfoot's idea…we miss you,"

"Yeah well…Padfoot doesn't,"

"I'll think you'll find he does Prongs…I mean look at him, none of these amateurs are good enough…he wants you back mate,"

"He should've thought about that before he tried to replace me then shouldn't he Moony,"

"Don't judge him too harshly Prongs,"

* * *

**The next day**

**Break**

**Conversation between the Marauders**

"I've done it!" 

"Done what Padfoot?"

"Found the perfect replacement my dear Moony,"

"Who is he?"

"Well he's a fourth year called Jonas Peterson, he's the new Griffendor beater, he can turn a cat into a pumpkin already and he has loads of girls chasing after him. Plus he laughed when I told him a joke, ticking the sense of humour category,"

"That my friend is a matter of opinion,"

"What is?"

"Never mind,"

"See Prongs you're not irreplaceable!"

"Do you trust him Padfoot?"

"Erm…"

"Can you trust him with your life? Your families dark secrets? What about Moony's secret?"

"Well…"

"I didn't think you could…plus his animagus form probably isn't even a stag,"

"And it's true that you make a very sexy stag,"

"See I knew you missed me Pads,"

"DAMMIT!"

"I missed you Prongs,"

"I know Wormtail…you've already said…"

"Doesn't change anything…I'm still mad at you,"

"For what Pads? Being happy?"

"HMPH!"

* * *

**Potions**

**Last lesson**

Padfoot: Can you believe it? He paired up with Evans! The traitor! 

Moony: Oh come off it! You finally get paired with Melanie Bones and you're complaining

Padfoot: Oh Moony…you're right…I should take this as an opportunity to make Prongs jealous

Moony: what!?! Padfoot no…hold on a minute

Padfoot: Too late Moony, the game has been set and the pieces are in play

Moony: What game? What pieces?

Padfoot: It's a metaphor

Moony: Padfoot just don't…it won't work

Padfoot: Of course it will, after all I thought of it

Moony: Exactly

* * *

**A/N: Ok the game is still set, ask the Marauders anything, anything at all…nothing x rated please…x rated questions will only be answered if and when they feel like it…**


	21. the death of the Marauders map

**A/N:** okay there may be a slight reference/scene stealage from another fanfic of mine called 'What is truth?' which I haven't put up yet cause I'm totally in love with this one, and I can't abandon all you lovely reviewers. I am totally dedicating this chapter to xMaraudersLoverx coz she reviewed a lot…

**M/N:** Padfoot: Yay she loves us

Moony: she said she loved the story not us

Padfoot: We are part of the story…therefore she loves us

Moony: I give up with you…

* * *

**Transfigurations**

**First period**

Padfoot: Good bye table, good bye chair, good bye weird racoon that used to be a rubber duck

Prongs: What are you doing?

Padfoot: I'm saying good bye to everything

Wormtail: Why?

Padfoot: Why! Why! I'll tell you why! This is the last day of our fifth year, for the next two years we'll be preparing to leave forever…

Moony: Padfoot that's a very long time

Padfoot: I know, but I figured if I said good bye now I won't have to then

Moony: But you've being saying good bye for the past five years!

Padfoot: That's because you never know what's not going to be here when you get back

Prongs: He's got a point…remember last year when that entire staircase disappeared?

Padfoot: Ah I see, you've decided to stop eating Evans' face long enough to join us

Moony: _Padfoot _be nice

Padfoot: Fine! And that staircase never disappeared Prongs, remember we just _moved_ it to another place

Wormtail: Where?

Prongs: Balancing on the top of the astronomy tower…it took Filch three months to take it down

Padfoot: Ah the cleverness of me

Prongs: Oh and of course _I_ had nothing to do with it

Padfoot: Well…fine I guess you did…

* * *

**Lunch**

**Inside spare charms classroom**

**Prongs sits talking to a distressed Melanie Bones**

"I just…don't what to do…I don't know who I am anymore,"

"You are Melanie Aurora Bones and that's all that matters, it doesn't matter who your real family are, true family are the people who care about you most,"

"I guess you're right…he's not my father! Thank you Potter, I never knew you could be so caring,"

"I do try,"

_Melanie exits as an angry Padfoot storms in_

"I'm going to kill that stupid slimy ratfink toad!"

"Ok…what happened?"

"Wormtail happened!"

"What did he do this time?…he didn't put baking soda in your shower again did he?"

"He got the Marauders map confiscated didn't he! Stupid moron…that map was like a friend to me!"

"What does it matter, we know it off by heart,"

"But that's not the point…Filch has it!"

"Did he try to read it?"

"Yeah…I think it called him a slimy old codger,"

"Oooh nice one,"

"Yeah…I'm gonna miss that old map…"

"Me too…maybe we should have a funeral for it…"

* * *

**Defence against the dark arts**

**Last lesson**

Moony: Are you aware of the amount of time spent placing spells on that map? How many long tedious hours I spent researching magical maps, protective spells etc?

Wormtail: I'm sorry

Moony: And did anyone say you were allowed to use the map unsupervised?

Wormtail: Well no…but

Moony: Wormtail you were pacifically told when the map was made that you couldn't use it on your own! Why did you take it anyway?

Wormtail: I wanted to go in the prefect's bathroom…I like the bubble bath it's relaxing…

Moony: If you wanted the password you should've just asked me! I am a prefect remember

Padfoot: Well said Moony

Moony: Padfoot I am not taking you with me to Amsterdam

Padfoot: But Moony…

Moony: No! You and Wormtail are staying with Prongs

Prongs: Why Moony!?! Why must you punish me? What did I ever do to you?

Moony: oh I don't know left me with Wormtail last year, slipped a horse hair in my polyjuice potion, forced me into countless detentions…need I go on?

Prongs: Besides all that what did I ever do to you?

Moony: **rolls eyes** Why do I even bother?

* * *

**That night**

**Marauders secret base**

**Conversation between the Marauders**

Sirius sits cross legged on an unsuspecting Remus' chest 

"Moony, are you aware that tonight is our last night being fifth years?"

"Yes Padfoot, I am also aware that you've gained weight and have placed all of that weight on my poor undeserving chest,"

"For that comment your chest deserves all the pain it gets, doesn't it even bother you that in two years we'll be gone,"

"No not really, I'll just be glad to get away from you,"

"Oh Moony you poor naive soul, you can never escape me,"

"Oh how I wish it wasn't true!"

"Moony! Padfoot! Go to sleep!"

"Prongs does it bother you that we're leaving in two years?!

"No Padfoot…I might actually get some sleep,"

"But what about the Marauders? What about our legacy? Who will continue it?"

"Maybe we could leave little clues for future pranksters,"

"Excellent idea Prongs, I'll start tomorrow,"

"Erm…how're you planning on doing that from the train?"

"DAMMIT! Fine I'll start it after summer!"

* * *

**A/N: Ok I need a few more questions for the Marauders before any can be answered, so be nice and don't leave the other reviewers in suspense. 3 Pinkelberry 3**


	22. Summer

**A/N:** Well it's been a really long and tragic year living without the internet in complete isolation, so here I am, back again with the next chapter as I promised...I know that the people who loved this story have probably forgotten all about it but I can only pray that isn't the case.

**M/N:** **Padfoot:** sniffles it's been so long, I miss this story so much

**Moony:** Are you actually crying?

**Padfoot:** No hides away face I don't cry!

**Prongs:** That is so not true...remember that time in the great hall when Moony told you that he didn't love you anymore

**Padfoot:** that never happened!

* * *

**Prongs' house**

**Conversation between Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail**

"Hmph! Look at this photo Moony sent me, look at him...all smiling in Amsterdam while I'm stuck here with you guys!"

"Oh shut up Padfoot, so far we've done everything you've wanted to do...we've even taken you out for three walkies,"

"Let's rent a film!"

"Great idea Wormtail...what's a film?"

"Padfoot you've seen loads of films!"

"I knew that...I was just testing you is all,"

"Ok...so horror, comedy, romance?"

"All three, starting with comedy and ending in horror,"

* * *

**Two hours later**

"Padfoot, let go of my arm...you're hurting me!"

"But look...the...the...the monster!"

"Padfoot that isn't a monster it's a man in a mask!"

"No it's not it's a real live monster...look at it...it's going to kill Scooby,"

"No it won't, it's always a man in the mask..."

"Why the hell would you go towards the noise! Grrr that is so annoying!"

"Padfoot, it's a fictional character, she can't hear you..."

"Well she should be able to!"

* * *

**Meanwhile in Amsterdam**

**Conversation between Moony and a secret girl**

"Of all zee places in zee world Remus, why would you bring me to Amsterdam?"

"Well my dear sweet Genvieve, I couldn't come to Paris, and I so wanted to see you,"

"But zen why Amsterdam? Why not Rome, or even England?"

"My parents wanted to come here, they were told of a man who could help me with my...problem ...I want him to help you as well,"

"Oh Remus...Zat is zee sweetest zing anyone 'as ever done for me, but I cannot accept, I am comfortable wiz my...curse. I 'ave embraced eet, why cannot you do zee same?"

"Genvieve you don't understand! I did not ask for this!"

"Neizer did I! But i know I cannot change what I am, I do not want to. Once every monz I become powerful, it is exciting, I would not give zat feeling up for zee world,"

"Not even for me?"

"No Remus, I 'ave liked you a lot, but if you will not accept me for what I am by rejecting yourzelf, zen zis cannot be,"

"I...I understand,"

"Do not write to me anymore Remus, I prefer to forget. If I remember I will only 'ave regrets."

* * *

**Two weeks later**

**A conversation between Padfoot and Moony**

"So...what was Amsterdam like?"

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"That good huh?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Moony...come on ol' buddy ol' pal...what happened out there?"

"Nothing alright...nothing happened..."

"And I'm supposed to believe that right?"

"Why can't you just leave me alone Padfoot...this has nothing to do with you!"

"Fine...but when you least expect it I'll find out what happened...and then you'll be sorry,"

"Oh believe me...I already am..."

* * *

**A/N:** **I know this chapter is an absolutely dissappointing comeback but hey I've had too long a break lol...anyway R&R and more shall be written...**

**M/N: Padfoot: Huh...so that's what happened in Amsterdam huh...I was under the belief that you got stuck in some crazy sex scandal...**

**Moony: Which is why I didn't tell you...**

**Padfoot: That means that the whole of Hogwarts believed that you had a sex change for no reason...**

**Moony: WHAT! That explains why Jeromy Prewett called me Rita...**

**Padfoot: sorry mate...**

**Moony: It's alright...too late too argue now...**


	23. Ask the Marauders

**A/N:** Alright, I'm sorry for putting this off for so long...but here are the answers to the questions you all asked so long ago. Once again I apologize.

**M/N:** Moony: We're just hoping that people are still waiting to here our answers...

**All five of these questions were asked by Crayon-lover: **

**1. If you were a muggle, what job would want to do?**

Padfoot: Job? What is this strange word...I've never heard of a..._job_ before...

Moony: Well I have a huge interest in muggle literature so I'd probably be a librarian of some discription...

Prongs: But you'd do that now if you had the chance...

Moony: That's besides the point...

Wormtail: I'd be a drag queen...

Padfoot: Once again the no talking rule has been placed on Wormtail...

Moony: Why do we even bother with that rule? It never lasts...

* * *

**2. What song would you choose for a theme tune of your life?**

Padfoot: Hmmm...difficult question...I'd probably have to say 'Wild thing' by the Troggs...I think it really describes my personality...

Moony: I couldn't agree with you more... for me it would probably be 'Monster' by 'The Automatics'...I'll leave you to try and guess why.

Prongs: Mine would probably be 'I wanna hold your hand' by The Beetles...

Moony: Let me guess...this is a Lily reference...

Prongs: No...but now you come to mention it...

Moony: Don't!

Wormtail: For me it would be that song that goes 'you and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel'

Padfoot: Did anyone actually hear anything just then...I mean I heard a strange whinning noise but the rest is just blank...

* * *

**3. If you only had a week to live, what would you do?**

Wormtail: Marry Padfoot

Padfoot: Take down as many people as possible so that I don't die alone...starting with Wormtail

Prongs: Make Lily my wife

Moony: She said a week...not a lifetime

Prongs: Fine! What would you do then Mr smartypants!

Moony: I would get my book published...

Padfoot: When did you start writing a book?

Moony: That is for me to know and you to never find out

Padfoot: But how have you made the time?

Moony: That is also none of your concern

* * *

**4. Favourite food?**

Padfoot: PIZZA!!

Moony: Probably just something healthy...like chicken...

Padfoot: Boring!

Moony: I choose life over extravogant food Padfoot

Padfoot: snoring

* * *

**5. Sum each of the other Marauders up in one word.  
**

Padfoot: Moony Bookish

Prongs Whipped

Wormtail scary

Moony: Bookish isn't a word Padfoot...anyway Prongs Flirty

PadfootMysterious

Wormtail Sexcrazed

Prongs: Moony Intellectual

Padfoot Manly

Wormtail ...Wormtail

Wormtail: Prongs Sexy

Padfoot SEXY

Moony SEXYYYY!!

Padfoot: Keep the hell away from me Wormtail!!

* * *

**This is also a question asked by Crayon-Lover**

**Boxers of Briefs? **

Padfoot: Definately Boxers...they leave more room to breath...and move around

Moony: I agree with Padfoot...Briefs don't have the comfort of room

Prongs: Boxers...definately boxers...what about you Wormtail?

Wormtail: shifty eyes boxers...

Padfoot: No really...boxers or briefs?

Wormtail: cough cough a thong cough cough

Padfoot: Well that is why we do not speak to Wormtail...ever...

* * *

**This question is from Little Miss Bovver for Moony only**

**Will you get a girlfriend soon? Or have you ever?**

Moony: Well...I did go out with Molly Weasley

Padfoot: That doesn't count...

Moony: And Genvieve in Paris

Padfoot: Also doesn't count!

Moony: Yes it does!

Padfoot: You hardly saw her therefore it doesn't count

Moony: Fine...then no I haven't ever had a girlfriend...according to Padfoot but hopefully I will soon...**  
**

**:D Just curious. Does Wormtail ever get a girfriend?!**

Padfoot: Seen as we have banned Wormtail from speaking, I will anser for him and no...because he is incompetant and smells funny.

* * *

**These questions are from Bad Fairy...who sends her love to the Marauders :)**

**for siri - What do you prefer, pirates or remus?**

Padfoot: Well...that's a hard question...if Remus was dressed as a Pirate all my dreams would come true...but if I really had to choose...Pirates

Moony: HEY!!

Padfoot: I'm sorry but I have to be honest to my fans...

Moony: HMPH!

* * *

**  
for james - are you planning anything with lily (i think you know what i mean... ;D)**

Prongs: When haven't I been planning anything with Lils? We're going to get married and have lots of babies and we shall have an army of Potter children.

Padfoot: I think she means a little more in the present...

Prongs: Oh...Ohhhhh...right...erm yes...of course...I mean seriously what do you take me for?

Padfoot: Incompetant...

Prongs: I am not incompetant!

* * *

**for peter - Boys or girls?**

Wormtail: Hermephrodites...that way you get the best of both worlds ;P

Padfoot: WHY!! Why would you do that...he is not allowed to talk!

* * *

**for remus - Will you marry me?**

Moony: If you love books and can have a three hour conversation on the intricacies of a Grindylow then yes of course I will marry you Bad Fairy

Padfoot: How do you do it? Here I am waiting for some girl to ask me to marry them and it's you that gets the question...HMPH!!


	24. Love Letters

**

* * *

**

A/N:

This is just a bit of fun.It has absolutly no relevence to the sequence of events in the story.

**M/N: **Padfoot: Basically Pinkelberry has writers block atm since it has been so long since she last posted a chapter for this story therefore we thought we'd give her a hand.

Moony: I think we've done quite well to be quite honest

Prongs: You would...you didn't even write that much...

Moony: That's besides the point entirely.

* * *

Dear Moony,

We figured that once again you'd be alone this Valentines day, so in light of that we decided to send you this letter and two sympathy presents.

Cheer up mare, maybe next year you'll find someone.

Yours in sympathy,

* * *

Padfoot & Prongs

Dear Padfoot and Prongs,

I resent your letter entirely! For your information I have a date this valentines, I will be going to the Valentines dance with Natasha Agrath from Ravenclaw.

Thank you very much for the sympathy presents, I will thoroughly enjoy them. Maybe next year you'll be more inventive than buying me 'Hogwarts: A history' for

the fifth year running.

Yours resentfully

Moony

* * *

Dear Moony,

Nice try mate,

We'd like those sympathy presents back, especially the box of chocolates as Padfoot misses them.

Oooh Natasha, nice one...never knew you had it in you.

Yours

A very impressed

Padfoot and Prongs.

* * *

Dear Wormy,

Thought we'd give you some chocolate,

Happy Valentines day mate.

Figured you'd be alone again.

Enjoy mate,

Yours in sympathy

Padfoot and Prongs.

* * *

Dear Padfoot and Prongs,

Thanks for the chocolate,

but isn't this the same box you gave to Moony?

I tried to get a date this year but no one wanted to go with me.

Yours sadly,

Wormtail.

* * *

Dear Wormy,

Cheer up mate it's not that bad,

Prongs hasn't got a date either, Lily turned him down again.

HEY! I resent that, I haven't asked her yet!

Yeah but when you do she's going to turn you down.

Anyway...

Yours angrily,

Padfoot and Prongs.

* * *

Dear Prongs (and Padfoot, yes I know you're still there)

Don't feel too bad about Lily turning you down,

she'll come around eventually and then we can all have a break from your whinning.

And you didn't tell me whether or not those were the same chocolates you gave Moony,

Yours questionably,

Wormtail.

* * *

Dearest Lily,

Light of my eyes and star of my sky,

Never have I seen such lovely green eyes,

I'm asking you now to forever be mine,

If not will you at least be my Valentine?

Yours hopefully,

James Potter.

* * *

Dear Potter,

Wow you actually used my first name for a change.

I'm well...amazed to be honest.

How many times do I have to tell you no before you get the hint?

But I suppose one day won't hurt, so yes James I will be you Valentine,

seen as you asked so nicely,

Yours,

Lily Evans.

* * *

My dearest Lily,

Thank you, Thank you and Thank you!!

You've made me the happiest man in the world, I could sing if it were not for Padfoot warning me not to.

I love you so much, and this is only the beginning! We'll get married, and have lots of kids and then we'll rule the world

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

PADFOOT!! Stop stealing my pen! I want to write it...oh my what have you put this time?

What a way to scare her off! Thanks a lot mate! _NOT!_

Yours apologetically,

James Potter,

And with humorous hilarity,

Sirius Black.

* * *

Dear James and Sirius,

You idiot James! Why would you let Sirius steal your pen?

You know what he's like. And as for us getting married and having lots of kids...let's take things one step at a time shall we?

Yours

Lily.

* * *

Dear Snape,

Your eyes are like sludge,

Your hair's washed in oil,

Your lips make me quesy,

Your face like a boil,

The girls say you're easy.

Let me take you away,

dip your head in a bog,

Maybe then you'll be pretty,

And not look like a hog,

Your eternally,

Sirius Black.

* * *

Dear Sirius,

For the fifth year running I will say this!

YOU ARE NOT DIPPING MY HEAD IN THE BOG!!

Stop writing me love letters...it makes me feel sick,

It's nice that you love me,

So please suck my...

Yours sourly,

Severus Snape

* * *

Dear Snivellus,

I never knew you had it in you,

Meet me in the third floor toilets, you know what to do.

Yours curiously

Sirius Black.

* * *

Dear Sirius,

Nice try,

Like I said you're not dipping my head in the toilet!

Don't you have anything better to do?

Yours disgustedly

Severus Snape.

**A/N: **Yeah I will get my flow back with this story and then bam a new chapter will be written...sorry guys for the dissappointment :(.


	25. The functions of a rubber duck

The functions of a rubber duck

There are many functions of the well known 'rubber duck.' One of these many functions is the entertainment for young children, for instance if said young child is in some way upset the rubber duck can be used to cheer up the child by the parent (this is aided by the hilarity of the person using funny voices). They young child watches the strange antics of the parent as it tries to make him/her believe that the rubber duck is actually alive and so laugh their little head off.

Some older more evil children, such as Snape (if he were a muggle) might enjoy torturing rubber ducks using the simple less useful tools suck as a magnifying glass and the sun, this of course a sick waste of time for those cute little yellow ducks, who are friend to all and amusing little critters. I suggest that we use the magnifying glass and the sun on those evil little children (like Snape) and see how they like it!

Some ministry officials believe rubber ducks to have secret abilities, such as flame throwers in their eyes, but after examining the duck I have found that there is nothing but a loud and annoying squeaky thing inside it. (Take that Ministry of Magic!) In my long research, which took a max of two days, I have also found that rubber ducks come in a range of colours and shapes, I think this is because muggles use them as fashion accessories, what will they think of next?

Amongst these many colours and styles I have found a vampiric rubber ducky which scared the very wand from my hand (Ok ok I dropped it) but I think this particular duck is used to scare away little children on our beloved Halloween, that'll show those muggle children. These particular rubber ducks are good to replace guard dogs as they are truly scary and need to be destroyed. I also believe that it is these evil rubber ducks that somehow breathe fire, as I have not got close enough to prove myself wrong and neither has the ministry.

One of the other more useful functions of the rubber duck is the strange friends of young children who have none. Many children waste their social development pretending that their rubber ducks can talk to them, giving them names and treating them as if they were alive, this unusual behaviour is probably caused by the parents strange antics. And I'm sure if the ducks could talk they'd call the kids insane, I know I would.

The final function of a rubber duck is far less interesting, and hardly believable due to its complete abnormality and boringness. My further research has led me to believe that the rubber duck is used as a bath toy, but this is truly unbelievable as it leads me to wonder why anyone would use toys in the bath. According to my sources, who will not be named for legal reasons, it is more fun to have a bath when you've got toys in with you but I find this very hard to believe. In conclusion there are many functions of a rubber duck and a bath toy definitely isn't one of them so take that muggle world!

**A/N: as you can probably tell I'm still suffering from writers block for this story and so here is an essay written by James Potter in his fifth year (once again completly out of sequence). Writers block for the win!**


End file.
